


Nobody Compares

by transking_23



Series: You Have A Twin?!?! [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Louis Has a Crush, M/M, Minor Character Deaths, PTSD, Past Character Death, Zayn Malik | Evan Kalb, Zayn is a twin, Zayn is adopted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:06:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 22,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28042110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transking_23/pseuds/transking_23
Summary: My name is Hannah Lillian Kalb. My parents died in a swimming accident when me and my twin Evan were 3 ½ years old. He was adopted when we were about to turn four. I was adopted when I was ten by James Christopher and Sage Tristan Queen. I was born on the 12th of January 1993. I have dark brown hair that I dye blonde, brown eyes, kinda tan skin, and a white birthmark on my hip that looks like a spaceship if you squint. I’m 19, and my dads are dead. I’ve been taking care of Tyler on my own ever since the crash that took Dad and Papa, when I was 15 and Tyler was a few weeks old. I work at SyCo as a makeup artist for the band One Direction. I got this job when I turned 17, saying my name was Lilly and I was 20. I have a severe allergy to pistachios, and I can’t cook anything. I’m also kind of in love with a certain British man, though I’ll never act on my feelings because he would never feel the same way. I’d do anything to keep Tyler safe. It’s why if she ever gets hurt, I’ll quit my job and be there for her. Tyler is everything to me, and I’ve made it my job to be the best mum to her I can. I’m also the youngest ballerina to dance in Burntwood, but I haven’t danced as one since my dads died.
Relationships: Louis Tomlinson/Original Female Character(s), Zayn Malik & Original Character(s)
Series: You Have A Twin?!?! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054106





	1. Chapter One

“گھر جلد ہی؟” (Umi home soon?) She asked over the phone, and I bit my lip, hoping the guys weren’t close by since they didn't know about my daughter.

“I، ٹوئیٹر میں کوشش کریں گے۔ پیسے میں بھیج رہا ہوں جو تم مدد کر رہا ہے، مدد کر رہا ہے؟” (I’ll try, Tyler. The money I’m sending is helping, right?) I asked, and she told me it was.

Not that I ever let her use the money herself. No, instead I let a friend of mine watch her and used the money to pay him and have him take care of Tyler. I could trust Mason to not let anything happen to my little girl.

“مس آپ.” (Miss you.) Tyler sounded sad, and I bit back my tears.

“مس آپ بھی. جیسے ہی کے طور پر، فخر کے رہے ہیں، میں آپ کے ساتھ ہوں گے یہاں تک کہ کریں گے. میں آپ کو پھانسی نہیں چھوڑ سکتا.” (I miss you too. As soon as the boys are on break, I’ll be with you until the next tour. I can’t leave you hanging.) I smiled, hoping to lift her mood.

It worked, and Tyler began telling me about all the different things we could do once I got back. I smiled and agreed with her, giving my opinion whenever I was asked until I had to hang up to do my job.

“Alright, Lilly. The boys are waiting for the makeup artist in their dressing room.” Another crew member told me, and I thanked him.

Using my middle name and my dad’s last name, instead of my first name and my actual surname, had helped to separate this life from the one back home. Back home, I was Hannah Kalb the orphan twice over, former ballerina, and single mother. Here, I was Lilly Queen the makeup artist. It was easier to do it this way, rather than force Tyler to come with me for every tour. She was afraid of planes, heights, and crowds, and was blind. It was better to keep my daughter safe at home with Mason rather than give her panic attacks by dragging her along.

“There’s our favourite makeup artist!” Niall greeted me as I walked in.

I rolled my eyes, a smile on my face.

“I’m the only makeup artist, Lucky.” I chuckled as I got them ready for their concert that night.

“So how’s your day been, Lilly?” Louis asked, and my smile almost faltered.

“It’s been good. I had enough free time to call Tyler, and she’s excited to see me again when tour ends. Mason thinks we might even have enough money saved to go to Gulliver's Land.” I smiled and finished applying makeup to their faces.

“Who’re Tyler and Mason?” Liam asked, his eyes full of curiosity.

“Tyler’s my family, and Mason’s my best friend.” I said, then told them they’d better go get their hair done quickly.

I smiled to myself as I headed to the break room with the crew to watch the boys perform. They thought I was 22, when in reality I was only 19. I’d taken care of myself and Tyler ever since Dad and Papa died when I was 15. It was my job to keep both me and Tyler together and safe.

After the boys were done with the concert, I began my run back to the hotel, making a plan to Skype Tyler when I had the chance that night. It was part of our daily routine whenever I was away with the guys for work.

“Time to get some food.” I muttered to myself, remembering that I’d forgotten breakfast and lunch that day.

I made myself a simple bowl of chopped up fruit to eat, preferring to make it myself because of my severe allergy to pistachios. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust the hotel room service, it was just that I didn’t want them to accidentally force me to go to the hospital. I didn’t like being open about my allergy, it made me feel as if I was some sort of invalid.


	2. Two

“Lilly, the boys say they need their makeup artist to help. They don’t know how to take the makeup you applied off!” One of my fellow crew members called through the door, and I laughed.

I left the room with my bowl of food, nearly laughing as I saw the boys waiting in the hallway with their makeup still in place.

“Food!” Niall immediately came forward, but I narrowed my eyes and smacked his hand away from the bowl of fruit.

“Back off, Horan. This is mine.” I said in what Mason had deemed my Batman Voice™.

The Irish boy immediately backed off, and the boys looked at me impressed.

“So, are you secretly Batwoman?” Louis joked, and I chuckled.

“Nah. I just forgot to eat earlier today, and Lucky isn’t allowed to steal my food.” I rolled my eyes at the blonde, and he gasped dramatically in shock.

“How do you  _ forget _ to eat?!?!?!” He sounded like it was the end of the world.

“Simple, I was reading and lost track of time.” I shrugged, hoping they didn't catch the lie.

The real reason I hadn’t eaten was that I wasn’t used to eating much. I didn’t have enough money left over after paying the bills to eat as much as I used to before the crash.

“There’s no possible way you’re human.” Niall looked absolutely horrified that I hadn’t eaten.

“You’re right. I’m actually from Krypton.” I smirked, and they tried to stay serious but failed.

“Aaaaanyway, could you pretty pretty please with pistachios and ice cream on top help us get the makeup off?” Liam asked.

“Since you said pistachios, I’m not taking yours off.” I said, and he gave me the puppydog eyes.

“But Liiiiiiiiiiiilly.” Liam dragged my name out.

“Tyler tries that all the time, it won’t work.” I rolled my eyes with a smile, and brought the boys into my room so I could get their makeup off.

We locked Liam outside to the mercy of the fangirls, and I started by cleaning up Zayn, then Louis, then Niall, then Harry. We heard Liam start to scream outside the room, his voice going several octaves up.

“Harry save me!” He began to try and open the door. “Zayn please I'm getting scared!!”

“You can let him in. I think he’s learned his lesson.” I chuckled, and Louis opened the door to let Liam in.

"You monster." Liam said, his eyes dilated and his breath quick; Niall was the first to notice one of his shoes was missing.

"Liam, where's your shoe?" Niall raised an eyebrow.

"A fan stole it. These weren't the nice fans, bro. This was a horde." Liam shuddered.

"Have you learned your lesson?" I asked, smirking at him.

"I'll never mention pistachios ever again if you just take the bloody makeup off." Liam told me.

I shrugged and took the makeup off him, deciding to forgive him. I'd make sure to hold him to his word.

"Now out of my room. I want to watch horror movies and I can't have scaredy-cats watching with me." I said, and Zayn mock-gasped.

"I get that Liam's a scaredy-cat but I'm not!" He protested.

Then the boys began arguing over which of them weren't scaredy-cats. I pinched my nose, wanting them out before the straightener I'd used wore off. I simply shook my head and went into my room to take a shower. I really hoped my hair would stay straight, because I didn't like anyone but Tyler and Mason seeing me with curly hair. If it didn't, I’d just have to straighten my hair before any of the boys saw me. I grabbed a simple sweatshirt that used to be papa’s, a pair of loose sweatpants, undergarments, and my showering necessities. I headed into the bathroom and locked the door for good measure, knowing the boys were still in the living room arguing over which of them were scaredy-cats. I didn’t want them to walk in, in case my hair decided to unstraighten during my shower or afterward.


	3. Three

I took my shower and got dressed, then internally groaned when my straightener was nowhere to be seen and my hair was back to being curly. I really hoped the boys hadn’t found it, because who knows what they were doing with it.

“ZEE! LOU! LIMA! HAZZA! LUCKY! WHERE’S MY STRAIGHTENER?!” I practically screeched through the hotel room from inside the bathroom, and heard the boys scream in surprise.

“Niall give her the straightener! I’m too pretty to die!” Zayn said loud enough for me to hear.

“But we haven’t seen what Liam looks like with straight hair!” Niall protested.

“Why does Lilly even have a straightener?” Harry wondered.

“I HAVE MY REASONS! NOW GIVE ME MY STRAIGHTENER!” I yelled, and one of the boys ran into my room and knocked on the bathroom door.

“I’ve got your dangerous burning implement.” Louis said, and I opened the door just enough to take it from him.

“Now go back to the others.” I told him, and set to straightening my hair so the boys wouldn't notice it was naturally curly.

I finished straightening my hair and sighed in relief, ready to go out to face the stupid boys that had invaded my hotel room. I knew there wasn’t even a slight wave to my hair, which was just how I liked it when I was working. No one but Mason and Tyler were allowed to see me with curly hair (even though my daughter couldn't see at all), and I wore contacts when I was in public. I just wanted to get in the bed and sleep, wishing I could close my eyes just once and sleep peacefully without nightmares. I still didn’t know how I’d managed to trick management into thinking I was three years older than I actually was. I started working here when I was 16, telling them I was 19. 

I walked out of the bathroom to see Niall and Liam wrestling for the remote to the TV. Zayn was laughing while Louis filmed and Harry added commentary.

“Boys.” I said sternly, using my Batman Voice™.

Niall and Liam froze. Zayn stopped laughing, Harry stopped commenting.

“Please don’t kill us we’re too pretty to die.” Liam said quickly.

“Get off the floor, and I’ll only mess up your makeup  _ slightly _ tomorrow.” I said, still using the Batman Voice™.

Niall and Liam immediately got off the floor, terror clear on their faces.

“We’re sorry Lilly.” Niall looked down in shame.

“You’re sorry, Liam hasn’t said he is.” I said, using an imperceptibly softer tone now that the Irish boy had apologised.

“Lilly please don’t kill me it was all in good fun we didn't think you’d be mad.” Liam looked absolutely petrified.

I couldn’t keep it in anymore and started laughing at his fear.

“I’m not mad, I just wanted you to stop wrestling.” I chuckled, and Niall and Liam breathed out sighs of relief.

“I thought you were nice and sweet and then you went and did this to us. Lilly how could you, I thought you were going to kill us.” Zayn had paled slightly.

“I’m a makeup artist, it’s my job to instill fear so people stay still.” I gave him an innocent smile, and Louis shuddered.

“Makeup artists shouldn’t be able to instill fear just by speaking. I really thought we were done for.” Harry said.

“Good. Now get out of the room, I want my horror.” I said, and Louis stopped filming.

The boys left, terrified I’d use the Batman Voice™ again. I smiled to myself, glad they knew to fear me now as I sat on the couch and put Eden Lake on the TV. It was a good thing Tyler wasn’t here, he would’ve had nightmares for weeks and demanded I sleep in the bed with him because he didn’t want to sleep alone. The noises from the movies scared him.


	4. Four

I woke up the next morning to one of the boys knocking on my door, calling my name. I sighed, realising I’d have to straighten my hair again before answering. Whoever it was could wait.

“Hold on, I’m getting dressed!” I called to them, and hurried to the bathroom to straighten my hair before anyone barged in.

I got my hair straightened after putting my contacts in and pulled on a simple outfit before opening the door. Louis fell, having been leaning against the door when I opened it.

“Stop falling for me Lou, you’re embarrassing yourself.” I quipped as he got up, and heard laughter nearby.

“You heard the lady. Stop falling for her, you’re tripping over yourself trying to confess.” Harry said as he laughed, and Louis turned redder than he had been.

“Hazza!” Louis looked so comical standing there, I couldn't help laughing.

“Lou, your face is so red you look like a tomato.” I said, trying to contain my laughter before I hurt his feelings.

“Lilly! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Louis said in mock-offense.

“To be fair, you’re the one who crashed into my boobs. I have the right to laugh at you for that.” I said cheekily, and heard some of the boys start choking from laughter.

“Your  _ boobs?! _ ” Louis looked absolutely mortified, and impressed that he hadn’t knocked me over.

I started laughing harder, my just-barely wavy hair swaying around my face- I hadn’t straightened it enough. I almost stopped laughing at that revelation, and decided that once we were done with our laughing fits I’d get the last of the waves out. I went back into my room, using the excuse of my shoeless feet to head in. I walked into the little bathroom again and used the straightener to get the very last of the waves out before pulling on a pair of flats. I couldn’t wear heels, I looked like a flailing penguin when I tried to walk in them.

“Lilly!” Niall whined when he saw me, pointing to Harry who had stolen his hat. “Make him give it back!”

“No.” I said flatly before making myself a cup of tea.

“Ha! Lilly likes me better.” Harry stuck his tongue out at Niall.

“No. It’s too early to deal with you guys stealing from Lucky. It’s like you have a vendetta against blondes.” I said monotonously, and Louis gasped before taking the hat from Harry and giving it back to Niall immediately.

“I don’t.” Louis told me, and I chuckled.

“Then steal from Zee instead.” I shrugged, and Zayn looked at me in shock.

“I thought we were friends.” He looked like a scolded child.

“You have the most stuff, it makes sense to steal from you instead of Lucky.” I said before taking a sip of my tea.

Niall nodded in agreement, while Liam looked confused. Then Louis and Harry stood with Zayn, making it to where Niall and Liam stood by me.

“Can I just drink my tea before we start this prank war?” I asked, and Zayn looked surprised, while Liam sighed and nodded.

"Wait, how did you know we were about to start a prank war?" Harry asked.

"I've worked with you boys for about two years now. You really think I wouldn't pay attention?" I raised an eyebrow at him as I sipped my tea.

"Fair enough." Louis shrugged.

I set my cup in the sink when I was done, and Niall grinned as he and Liam huddled closer to me so we could plan our first prank on Zourry. The other three left the room to plan their attack.


	5. Five

"Any ideas, Lilly?" Niall asked me.

"Hair dye in Zee’s conditioner, bleach in his shampoo. For Hazza, we could straighten his hair while he's sleeping and make sure his curls don't come back until hours after he wakes up. We could leave Lou alone so they think it was him, at which point they'll join our team and it'll be everyone against Lou." I said, and Liam grinned.

"You're a devious pranking mastermind and I'm so glad we're on the same team." He said, and Niall agreed.

"Let's get started." I smirked, getting the supplies we needed from my bathroom before bringing them over to the boys that were on my team.

"This is gonna be good." Niall looked absolutely ecstatic.

"Of course it is." I got the stuff ready, and we kept them hidden for when we were going to use them.

“Lilly, remind me to never get on your bad side. I don’t wanna know what you’d do to me if that ever happened.” Liam said.

“Oh, I will.” I chuckled at his obvious fear of my vengeance.

We set up the pranks that night, when the other team was asleep. I had keys to their room in case of emergencies, as most crew members did, which made this so much easier. Niall put the bleach and hot pink hair dye in Zayn’s hair products, while Liam and I worked on Harry’s hair. We left once we were done, glad not one of the three had woken for it, and we made our way back to my room to watch movies for our alibi. I’d had movies streaming on the TV while we pulled the pranks to strengthen it, so that they would see we’d been watching movies when they were pranked. It was perfect for us, and we started watching  _ Mum & Dad _ after the boys told me they could handle it. They ended up clinging to me and hiding their faces as the movie went on, proving what I already thought: the members of One Direction were all scaredy-cats.

After the movie, Liam and Niall were scared to go back to their room. I sighed and told them they could sleep in the spare room the hotel had given me, or they could sleep on the couch. I went to my room and pulled out my laptop after taking out my contacts, calculating in my head that Tyler would've been home for about an hour with Mason watching her, and decided to Skype my daughter. Mason answered within a minute, and I grinned at my daughter and Mason.

"ارے، ٹویٹ." (Hey, Ty.) I smiled, and she grinned as he heard me. Mason grinned as well, from where he sat on the couch next to her.

"Umi!" Tyler said happily, and I chuckled.

"How's your day been, kiddo?" I asked her, subtly directing the question for Mason by wording it in English.

“I had to yell at the other kids to leave her alone again, Han.” Mason told me.

"مسکراتے ہوں؟" (Umi play me?) Tyler asked me with big cloudy blue eyes; she wasn’t wearing his sunglasses at the moment.

"یار، میں تمہارے ساتھ کھیلوں گی ، تمہیں یاد رکھنے کے لیے اور میں تمہیں خاص حادثے پر تنگ آؤنگا ۔ میں معافی چاہتا ہوں، TY اگر آپ میرے ساتھ آنے کے لئے تیار ہیں، لیکن اگر آپ میرے ساتھ والوں کو آپ کی عمر کے ساتھ کھیلنے کے لئے پڑے گا." (Buddy, I'd have to be there with you to play with you, and I refuse to put you through panic attacks by making you stay with me. I'm sorry, Ty, but unless you're willing to come on tours with me, you have to play with the other kids your age.) I said seriously

“I’m sure my cousins would be willing to play wth her.” Mason said, but I turned him down just like I had every other time.

His cousins were too mean, and had made it clear several times they’d sooner yell at Tyler than play any games with her. Just because my little girl was blind, and none of them had that kind of patience.

"Umi… they meanies." Tyler said as tears filled her eyes.

"Oh, Ty… As soon as we have the money, I'll find a way for you to play without those dumb bullies, I promise." I said, and Tyler brightened a little while Mason smiled sadly.

"Gu’iver when back?" Tyler asked, and I smiled.

"بلکل. میں نے وعدہ کیا تھا؟" (Of course. I promised, didn't I?) I chuckle, and Tyler sniffled as she wiped away her tears.

"مس آپ." (Miss you.) Tyler said, and I felt tears fill my eyes.

"میں آپ کو جانتے ہیں، ٹوٹی. میں تم سے بہت، بہت سے یاد آتی ہے. مجھے چاہوں گا میری نوکری مجھے نہیں دے، لیکن یہ اپنے سروں پر اور کھانے پر ایک چھت ہے." (I know you do, Ty. I miss you so much, buddy. I wish my job didn't make me leave you so much, but it puts a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.) I said, and the first of my tears fell.

"When back?" Tyler asked, trying to get me to cheer up.

"دو ماہ میں اور آپ اور آپ کے لئے برف پولیس عملی حاصل کروں گا." (In two months, and you and me'll get ice cream to celebrate.) I smiled through my tears; ice cream was a luxury we rarely had, and one Tyler had had only once before, so this meant a lot.

"Iscia?" (Ice cream?) Tyler grinned.

"بلکل. میں آپ کو دو اسکو ملے گا." (Of course. I'll even let you get two scoops.) I smiled.

"دوِس؟" (Two?!) Tyler was getting really excited.

"جی ہاں. I، ٹوپی تم سے محبت." (Yeah. I love you, Ty.) I smiled at my daughter.

"تم سے محبت، مہربانیاں." (Luh you, Umi.) Tyler said.

"میں پھر دوبارہ فون کروں گا ، میں وعدہ کرتا ہوں گا - الوداع، ٹویٹ" (I'll call again when I have time, I promise. Bye, Ty.) I smiled.

“Call you later, Han.” Mason told me, his pale brown eyes meeting my honey brown ones.

"Bye bye Umi!" Tyler grinned, and I hung up on the Skype call before I started bawling.


	6. Six

The tears fell down my face and I made no attempt to stop them. I missed Tyler so much. I started hiccuping as I cried, and realised belatedly I'd left my room door open when a pair of arms wrapped around me.

"It'll be alright, Lilly." The British accent let me know Liam was the one holding me.

"I miss her so much, Li." I choked out through my tears, and he rubbed my back as he held me.

"Only two months left, and then you'll get to see her, love." Liam assured me softly, and I relaxed slightly.

"I wish she was here, if only for me to hold her." I admitted as I cried more.

"Then why don't you bring her on the next tour?" He suggested gently.

"She's scared of planes, heights, and crowds. I can't put Ty through that." I whispered, close to crying myself out.

"Get some sleep, Lil. You need it." Liam told me, moving to leave.

"Stay?" I asked softly before I could change my mind.

"Of course." Liam smiled softly before pulling the covers over me, leaving the bed to set my laptop on a chair before coming back.

I scooted over for him, and Liam slipped under the covers to hold me close. I relaxed, and fell asleep after crying some more. I wished my dads weren't dead, because then Tyler would be happier. She'd have so much more time with me, instead of having to have Mason as a go-to because of how much I had to work. I fell asleep with Liam holding me close and running his fingers through my currently straight hair.

I woke up in the morning to Liam poking my cheek and curly hair tickling my nose- my hair was back to being curly.

"You didn't tell me you had curly hair." Liam pouted, and I almost laughed.

"Do you understand why I have a straightener now?" I asked groggily with a small smile.

"Is it so the humidity doesn't damage your hair?" Liam asked as the two of us slipped out of bed.

"That and I can actually brush it if it's straight." I smiled slightly as I headed to the bathroom to fix my hair and put my contacts in.

"I'll check on Niall and make sure he hasn't eaten all your food." Liam said before leaving the room to do so.

I straightened my hair and got changed into a light green long sleeve top, a black pair of stretch denim jeans, my beat up Converse, and put my locket on before walking into the kitchen.

"Morning, lads." I said as Zayn, Louis, and Harry walked through the door, Niall currently eating bacon as Liam made tea.

"Who. Did. This. To. Me." Zayn demanded in a deathly calm voice, gesturing to his hot pink hair.

"I don't know, Zee." I said with a straight face, making myself a cup of tea.

"Lilly, have you been crying?" Harry asked.

"No." I said, hoping he didn't see through the lie.

"You have. Your eyes are all puffy and you've got tear stains on your cheeks." Louis frowned, and Niall paused in eating bacon.

"I'm fine, alright? It's nothing I can't handle." I assured.

“Who made you cry and where can I find them?” Harry asked.

“Haz, I’m fine. I was crying because I miss Tyler.” I said.

"Wait, why would missing him make you cry?" Niall frowned.

"Because if anything happens to her, I have nothing to go home to." I replied after I drank some of my tea.

"What about your parents?" Zayn asked.

I tensed slightly, but kept my face calm. I didn't want the boys to pity me.

"What about them?" I said calmly.

"Aren't they around?" Harry looked concerned.

"They aren't." I said quietly, putting my half-full cup of tea in the sink and heading to my little room.

Talking about my dads, or even Umi and Abi, was a sensitive subject for me. I'd never told anyone I was an orphan before, not even that I’d lost my parents twice over. I didn't want pity or charity. I shut the door to the bathroom after entering it and locked it, sitting on the floor with my back against the wood.

"You have to cheer her up, lads!" Niall said to the others loud enough for me to hear.

"I didn't know it was a sensitive subject, I swear." Harry and Zayn said, and I almost smiled as I imagined their expressions of confusion and raised hands.

"Just go talk to her." Liam told them, as the first of my tears fell.

Footsteps sounded, and someone knocked on the door.

"Lilly? Can we talk to you?" Harry asked softly.

"No." I said, hating that my tears were affecting my voice.

"Lilly we're sorry. Please don't cry." Zayn said, and I sniffed.

"Lilly will you come out here please?" Harry sounded really sad.

"No." I didn't want them to see me cry, it was bad enough Liam had.

"Please? We really didn't mean to make you cry. We didn't know your parents were a sensitive subject." Harry begged.

I unlocked the door and moved to lean against the counter so they could come in. Zayn was the one to open the door, and Harry immediately hugged me. I sniffed and tried to stop my tears as Zayn joined in on the hug. I let the tears continue to fall as the other three boys joined in on the hug. I wasn't used to this much affection, and it felt nice.

"Please don't cry." Niall said, his blue eyes big.

The way he reminded me of Tyler right then made me give out a half choke, half laugh. The boys looked at Niall and me in confusion.

"Tyler always gives me the doe eyes when she's trying to butter me up." I explained as I chuckled while crying.

"Can we meet her sometime?" Liam asked.

"We can Skype when she's awake." I sniffed as my tears stopped, relaxing more as I got used to the affection.

"You're too pretty to cry." Harry poked my shoulder.

I squirmed slightly, not wanting to let the lads know I was ticklish. Harry grinned as he figured this out, and Niall was the first to catch on. The two began to tickle me, and soon I had five overgrown children tickling me.

"Stop!" I got out through my laughter, and Niall chuckled.


	7. Seven

"The president is calling you. I repeat, the president is calling you." My phone rang, and Louis got the boys to stop tickling me so I could answer it. I pulled my phone out and pressed it to my ear.

"Umi?" Tyler said, her voice sounding choked up.

"Ty, what's wrong?" I asked immediately, paling as I thought of all that could've happened to her.

"Umi home." Tyler started bawling.

"I'll get my laptop and we'll Skype immediately. You'll tell me what's wrong then, alright?" I said softly to reassure her, and Louis grabbed my laptop before the six of us sat on my bed.

I typed in my password and started a Skype call with Tyler. When it was answered, she looked like she'd been crying. Mason looked worried and kept looking at the locks on the windows as if he was scared they’d break.

"Umi." Tyler started crying harder as she heard the call connect; she had her sunglasses on and there were tear tracks on her face.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Umi home.” Tyler begged as she cried.

“I’m coming back to Burntwood next month, bud.” I said softly.

“Umi home  _ now _ .” Tyler choked out through her tears.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Skid, bad man ty get in. Umi skid." Tyler looked absolutely petrified.

“Someone tried to break in. Tyler’s scared, and I’m worried they’ll try to get in here again.” Mason said.

"Are the doors and windows shut and locked?" I asked immediately, getting immensely worried for them.

Tyler nodded, and Mason noticed the boys.

"Han, who’re they?" He asked curiously, Tyler sniffing as she tried to stop crying.

"My friends." I chuckled, and Harry smiled.

"Tyler, Mason, this is Lou, Lima, Lucky, Hazza, and Zee. Boys, this is Tyler and Mason." I introduced them.

"Umi stay home?" Tyler asked, using her ridiculously cute pout.

"Fine… But just this once." I said, and Tyler grinned.

"You're going to spend it  _ not _ watching the telly." I said, using the Batman Voice™, and Tyler nodded.

“I’ll make sure she does.” Mason assured me.

"Umi, pomise." Tyler said, and I smiled as we hung up.

Talking to Tyler really helped. I still missed her a lot, but seeing her had helped boost my spirits.

I left the five of them on my bed as I went back to the kitchen area. My cup was still sitting in the sink, but it was cold now. I put it in the microwave to warm it up, and jumped slightly when someone hugged me from behind.

"You talk in your sleep." Liam told me quietly as my tea finished warming up.

What had he heard me say? I hoped it wasn't anything about the crash or the swimming accident. I hoped it wasn’t anything about Evan.

"I didn't have my cup of tea before bed." I whispered in response.

"Ooh~! Liam and Lilly, sitting in a tree! K - I - S - S - ow!" Niall started to tease, but got elbowed by Louis.

"Just because you can't get some, Horan." Liam stuck his tongue out playfully, and I laughed as I got my tea from the microwave.

"Ooh, Lilly's blushing!" Harry chuckled.

"I will murder you, watch gleefully as you bleed out, and dance on your grave." I said monotonously, and he slowly backed away.

"I thought we were friends." Harry pouted.

"If we were friends, I wouldn't share my bed." I quipped before realising what it sounded like.

"Lilly!" Zayn tried to scold.

"Liam had a nightmare. I warned you it was a horror movie." I said, looking at him.

I mouthed 'play along' to Liam when the others weren't looking. He nodded, and I smiled.

"You didn't say it was terrifying!" Liam crossed his arms and pouted.

"It's a horror movie, Li." I said in a deadpan.

"It was terrifying, though. I almost didn't get any sleep because I watched it with you." Niall admitted, accidentally helping us out.

"Scaredy-cats." I rolled my eyes playfully as I sipped my tea.

Niall mock-gasped and looked around for someone to come to his defense.

"It's alright, Niall. I'll hold you." Zayn said, and I tried to keep my laughter in.

"Zayn!" Liam pretended to gasp in shock. "You're leaving me for Niall?"

"You left me for Lilly." Zayn replied.


	8. Eight

I chuckled at their childishness, and looked at the time. My eyes widened as I saw we’d have to book it to the studio to be there early enough for the boys to get all dolled up.

“Bloody hell! Go get ready as fast as you can, boys. We need to book it if we don’t want to be late.” I said as I ran out of the room and began my almost daily run to wherever the current venue was. The boys drove past in the van, and Niall poked his head out the window to look at me with pleading eyes.

“You sure you don’t want a ride, Lilly?” He asked, like he usually did.

“I need my exercise, Lucky. I only look this good because I work for it.” I replied, almost keeping up with their car.

The truth is, I didn't want to have them see how much it hurt when I was in a car. Mason was one of two people who knew and could tell, not including myself. I couldn’t even be in stationary cars without remembering that horrible day…

I made it to the studio with minutes to spare, and the boys pulled up a few seconds after me. I got shocked looks just like every morning, since I still wasn’t out of breath. We walked in together, and I set up the makeup area so the boys would look pretty for their fans. I fixed their makeup, and Liam gave me a small, sad smile when I was done with him. The others didn't notice, but I did.

“Talk to me after?” He asked while the other four were busy joking around.

“Come to my room, we can watch a movie while we talk.” I replied, and they went onstage to sing.

I sat backstage to watch them. I couldn’t hold back my laughter when Niall tripped and ended up taking the rest of them with him when he went down. I shook with my laughter, almost crying because the boys were just lying in a heap and not even trying to get up. The fans were laughing as well, though quite a few looked worried as well.


	9. Nine

Once the concert was over, I smiled as I got ready for the run back to the hotel.

The boys always tried to convince me to go in a car somewhere, but I couldn’t. I didn't want them to see how much it hurt. I began my run back to the hotel, and smiled in surprise as Niall decided to join me.

“So why were you and Liam cuddling?” He asked with a grin through his panting breath.

Wait, he’d seen us this morning?

“We fell asleep, Lucky. Nothing happened, I swear.” I said, feeling my face heat up.

Niall chuckled, and the two of us continued on our way to the hotel. I slowed down so Niall could catch his breath. He regained his breath at our leisure jogging pace rather quickly, and smiled at me.

“So, why do you refuse to go in a car?” Niall said as he gave me the trademark ‘please-don’t-lie-to-me-or-you’ll-break-my-heart’ look that he had.

“My dads were in a car crash when I was fifteen.” I said quietly, and Niall frowned as we got to the hotel.

He was silent, and I knew I had to say it. I had to tell one of them.

“You wouldn't have met me if they survived, Niall.” I admitted in a murmur, and understanding dawned in the blonde’s eyes when he realised why I didn’t like talking about them.

Niall hugged me tightly as we walked inside, and I hugged back.

“Please don’t tell the others. I don’t want pity, Lucky.” I said quietly, and Niall promised to do as I asked.

We got inside, and headed up to the boys’ room. Niall opened the door for me like a gentleman, and I chuckled as I walked in. Louis immediately perked up at seeing me, and I raised an eyebrow as Harry laughed.

“Lou, what’re you up to?” I asked suspiciously, and was greeted by him tackling me and beginning to tickle me.

I tried to escape the overgrown child to no avail, laughing as he kept tickling me.

“Let me go, Lou!” I got out through my laughter, and that was when the other boys joined in on tickling me.

I squirmed and tried to get free, only resulting in me being tickled more by the boys.

“Alright, now where should we go tonight for dinner?” Liam asked as the boys stepped away from me; Louis helped me stand up.

"Nando's!" Niall said excitedly.

"No. We went there last week, and I think we should let Lilly pick." Harry said, and I looked away.

"I haven't been to a restaurant in about five years, I wouldn't know what to choose." I admitted, and the boys frowned.

"You haven't been out to eat  _ at all? _ " Niall looked like he was going to faint.

"I was more focused on making sure Tyler and I had a roof over our heads and food in our bellies." I said quietly, and we quickly changed the topic.


	10. Ten

It was about a week after that day, and I’d gotten a call telling me to go to Simon’s office. I was worried; was I in trouble for some reason? I tried to remember if I'd broken any rules.

“Miss Queen, come in.” Simon said to me when I knocked.

He called me Miss Queen. This was definitely bad, Simon always called me Lilly.

“You wanted to see me, Uncle Si?” I asked as I sat down.

“Yes. I wanted to tell you in person, since it would be better. You’re fired, Miss Queen.” Simon said, and I froze in shock.

How was I going to put a roof over mine and Tyler’s heads now? How was I going to feed the two of us? How was I going to explain this to the boys, or explain to my son that we weren’t going to talk to the “pitty boys” anymore?

I nodded and left, hoping no one would ask why I was so sad. I packed my bags quietly, and found that Simon had been kind enough to pay for a plane ticket back to Burntwood. I thought it'd be better to write a note for the boys, instead of going through the teariness of saying goodbye in person, so I got out some spare paper I had and my favourite pen. I wiped my laptop clean of everything but Skype, and left a note on top of it.

**_Boys , I'm sorry to do this to you. I'm going back to Burntwood , but I hope you know I'll never forget you or all the fun we had. Please don't try to find me. I don't want to go , but I know you'll forget about me soon and get a new makeup artist (hopefully this time they won't be a secondary school dropout). Lucky , keep on loving food like you do ; who else will I cheer on in eating competitions? Zee , don't ever give up on finding a girl ; when she’s the one , you’ll know. Lima , don't stop being Daddy Direction for everyone ; they don’t know how to function without it. Hazza , don't ever let anyone tell you what you can or can't do ; they can’t decide what you’re capable of , only you can. Lou , don't ever ,_ ** **_ever_ ** **_regret being yourself ; if anyone makes you feel that way , they aren’t worth it._ **

**_Love, Lilly Queen , aka Hannah Lillian Kalb_ **

**_PS: The laptop password is a very important day in the band_ **

**_PPS: If you want to know why my dads can’t look after Tyler , look my name up_ **

The boys were at a concert right now, and I'd be gone before they got back anyway. I left the hotel and got to the airport without anyone noticing me. I still had the boys' numbers in my phone, but I wouldn't call them. If I listened to their voices, I might break down crying. I sat by the gate, and waited numbly for my flight to be called. I tried to cheer myself up by reminding myself that I was gonna see Tyler, but it only made me think of how I needed to get a new job. Once my flight was called, I got up to walk through the terminal and go home three weeks early. Tyler and Mason must be missing me a lot.


	11. Eleven

I got up when the plane landed, and began the walk to the flat. I unlocked the door, and was greeted by the sight of Tyler asleep in front of the telly while Mason read a book. I smiled softly and quietly set my bags down before picking my daughter up and carrying her to the bedroom. I tucked Tyler in and kissed her forehead, going back to the living room to unpack my bags as Mason prepared to leave. Tomorrow I'd go job hunting, I swore to myself.

I took my phone off airplane mode, and was suddenly spammed with missed calls and texts from the boys.

**Lucky☘️: Lilly why did you leave?**

**Big Bro🎨: Lilly we miss you**

**Daddy Direction🥄: Lilly please come back**

**Curly🦋: y did u leave us??? 😔😔😔**

**Lou💖: I miss you😭😭 Why did you have to leave?**

**Lucky☘️: Lilly well never forget about you**

**Big Bro🎨: Lilly is something going on?**

**Daddy Direction🥄: Whatever we did wrong… Please just come back**

**Curly🦋: lou crying rn. has been since we found out ur gone**

**Lou💖: Are you okay?**

I couldn't bring myself to block them, but I couldn't bring myself to answer them either. I finished unpacking and plugged my phone in, ready to sleep off the jetlag now that I was back in Burntwood. I read through the texts further, and felt my heart break.

**Lucky☘️: Lilly we need our best friend. If you left because you were worried about the lads finding out I havent told them**

**Big Bro🎨: Lilly please come back. It hasn't even been a day but Lou is already locked in his room and refuses to come out**

**Daddy Direction🥄: We miss you**

**Curly🦋: please come back. lou been happy when ur around. i know u miss him**

**Lou💖: Come home**

I almost replied to Louis, but stopped myself. If I didn't respond, they might be able to forget me better. They might move on with their lives and forget about me and my daughter, even though I knew Louis had saved pictures of her to remember the little 4-yr-old I’d die for. Even though Niall had pictures of me with the guys, they’d forget about me eventually. Everyone left, but this time I’d been forced to leave before they left me. Tyler was all I had now, all that I knew would never leave besides Mason.

I sat on the couch and tried to keep the tears in. I’d looked through the texts, now it was time to listen to the voicemails they’d left.

**_“Love, it’s Lou. I think your phone is on airplane mode, so I won’t go too long. Lilly, please come back. Whatever we did, whatever it was that made you leave, please just come home. I- we need you. You’re our friend, and I can’t imagine being here without you. Please, Lilly.”_ ** I felt tears well up as his voice cracked.

“I’m sorry, Lou. I didn't mean to hurt you.” I whispered.

**_“It’s me. Lucky. Please come back. You’re the only makeup artist we’ve met who doesn’t expect us to be anything but ourselves. You’re the only crewmember who joins in on our prank wars… I won’t tell the boys about your dads if you don’t want me to, but just know that I’m here for you. And for Tyler. Give me a call if you need a shoulder to cry on, okay? I miss you already.”_ **

“I miss all of you.” I whispered as I cried silently.

**_“Lilly, leaving without saying goodbye wasn’t okay. You’re a little sister to me, and finding out you left before we could stop you hurt. A lot. Why did you go?”_ ** Zayn was literally crying as he said this, and more tears fell.

“You’re a brother to me too, Zayn. I hope you move on with your life and forget me, because you all deserve to be happy.” I didn't know what I was doing, replying to the voicemails as if they could hear me.

**_“Lilly, it’s Liam. We need you to come back, I miss my best friend and fellow voice of reason to the lads. Call me when you get this.”_ **

“I can’t, Li. I can’t call you, because all of you need to forget about me.” I hid my face in the couch pillow and let the tears fall faster.

**_“Lilly, it’s Harry. I’m not mad that you didn't tell us you were using your middle name, and I’m not mad that you left before we could stop you. I understand you didn't want us to guilt-trip you into staying, but please come back. We can’t lose you like this. I miss you, Lilly.”_ **

I cried harder. Why couldn’t they make this easier? I’d been fired, and they were trying to get me to come back. Tyler was still asleep in his room, and it was starting to get dark out.

**_“It’s me again. I need you to come back, Lill. I don’t care whether you go by Hannah or Lillian, or that you have two dads. I just want you to come home.”_ **

I didn't understand. Why didn't they hate me for hurting them? Why didn't they hate me for leaving?

**_“Hannah, Lilly, whatever your name is, just come back. I don’t want to lose my little sister. We need you to come back.”_ **

I bit my lip. Why were they making it so hard to stay away?

**_“Please come back… we need our friend, Lilly.”_ **

Stop making me feel guilty for being fired, Liam.


	12. Twelve

I started the first of my new jobs today, and luckily they paid enough for the things Tyler and I needed,  _ and _ my shifts were all during hours I could have Mason babysit or have Tyler at the daycare. Mason still watched her when I had errands or needed to get some things for me and Tyler. I stood behind the counter of the little cafe, my recently un-dyed hair pulled back into a French braid. My nametag read Hannah, and I kept my contacts. I didn’t work with the boys anymore, but I still didn’t like wearing my glasses in public.

“Good morning, how can I help you?” I plastered a smile on my face as a couple came in through the door, so obviously in love like I wanted to be.

It lowered my spirits, but I kept my smile in place.

“I’d like a cappuccino with extra sugar please.” The boy said with a slight accent (Japanese or Chinese, maybe?), his eyes on his girlfriend.

I wrote it down, and looked to the girl.

_ ‘I would like a small coffee with three sugars, no cream, please.’ _ She signed, and I nodded.

“I’ll get your small coffee and cappuccino to you two shortly, please take a seat while you wait.” I said, and the girl smiled as her boyfriend led her to a small table.

My co-worker, Lili, made the drinks, and I brought them over to the couple.

“You two look cute together, by the way.” I smiled, and the girl blushed.

I continued my shift, and relaxed when it was time to clock out. I might love the coffeeshop, but my heart still belonged with the boys I’d left behind three months ago. I missed Niall’s addiction to Nando’s, missed Liam’s  _ Daddy Direction _ ways, missed my “older brother” Zayn, missed Harry’s silliness, and I definitely missed Louis. My heart still belonged with them, and I only took off the necklace Louis had gotten me for my “birthday” when I needed to shower, and the charm bracelet they’d all gotten me never left my wrist unless I was going to get in a pool or something. A shamrock for Niall, a spoon for Liam, a chef’s hat for Harry, a lightning bolt for Zayn, and half a heart to represent Louis. He had the other half on a necklace that he always wore under his shirt. 

The boys’ initials and mine were engraved on the back of the half-hearts, and they’d teased me for days after when I put my initials down as HQ, even though they were really HK. I missed them so much, and Lili made sure to ask me about the charm bracelet during every shift. I knew every way to get out of answering now, and I smiled as I went to pick Tyler up from the daycare. Usually Mason did this, but he had his younger cousin’s birthday and so I’d told him to go and celebrate with her.

“Umi!” Tyler tackled me in a hug once she heard my voice, and I laughed.

“کسی نے مجھے دیکھنے کے لئے خوش ہے.” (Someone’s happy to see me.) I said, ruffling her hair.

The two of us began to walk back to the flat. We didn’t own a car for two reasons. One, I didn’t want what happened to my dads to repeat with the two of us; two being we just didn’t have enough money.

Tyler was talking about her day excitedly, her cloudy blue eyes bright; her sunglasses had been taken by one of the bullies at the daycare. I didn’t ask about the bruise on ers cheek, knowing she’d tell me when we were in the flat. Tyler didn’t like to bring me down much, and I loved her for that. Tyler rambled about all the things she did in daycare, and I smiled as I listened.


	13. Thirteen

“ٹی ٹی، تمہیں حاصل برف اس بچے کے بعد میں کرنا چاہتے ہیں؟ میں نے کافی ہونے کے بعد بچا لیا.” (Ty, do you wanna get ice cream later? I have enough saved up now.) I said; we never got around to the ice cream after I was fired.

We never went to Gulliver’s, either.

Tyler nodded, grinning as she rambled on and on. We got back to the flat, and she went to the bedroom to put her cane away. I pulled my laptop out of the closet, the one I let Tyler use when I was with the boys and we wanted to Skype each other. I opened it, and smiled sadly at the screensaver of me and the boys. It was when I'd first started working with them, and Zayn had wanted to take a picture so we wouldn't forget.

There was a pending Skype call request, and I clicked on it curiously.

"-wish she would've stayed, okay?" Louis sounded heartbroken.

"Lou, why don't you look at the screen?" Liam suggested as he noticed me.

"Lilly!" Louis said, and I let a genuine smile show for the first time since I left them.

"Lou, how have you been?" I asked, hoping they wouldn't make comments about my obvious weight loss.

"Terrible. We miss you, Lilly." Harry came into view.

"Wait, since when is your hair curly?" Niall asked.

"That's what the straightener was for!" Harry realised.

"You dyed your hair." Niall frowned.

"I actually only stopped dyeing it blonde." I corrected softly.

"How's Tyler been?" Liam asked.

"She's adjusting to me being here full time." I said softly.

"How are you?" Louis asked.

"I've… been better." I said, wording my response carefully.

I didn't want them to worry about me, and seeing Louis look so hurt, hurt so much more than I thought it would; I didn’t understand why it felt like knives in my chest to see one of my friends hurting, since I’d only ever gotten sad when someone I cared about was hurting.

“Is Tyler with you now?” Harry asked.

“She’s in her room right now, but I’ll make sure to call you when she and I are free. How’s everyone been over there?” I asked, wanting to know why Zayn wasn’t there.

“Not good. Zayn left, saying he had some ‘personal business’ he needed to do.” Liam said with a glare pointed to the ground.

I held in my gasp. Zayn  _ left _ ?

“B- but that doesn’t make sense! You guys are his family, there’s absolutely no way he would walk out after everything you’ve done together.” I was shocked to say the least; why would Zayn leave them?

“Well, he did. At least you’re just as surprised as us.” Niall relaxed.

“I still don’t get why he’d leave. He had you guys, and Mr. Cowell, and friends…” I frowned, and Louis frowned as well.

“You called him Mr. Cowell… Lilly, you always call the big man Simon. Did something happen between you?” Liam looked concerned for me.

“Nothing happened.” I said, trying to be as convincing as possible.


	14. Fourteen

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a terrible liar?” Niall crossed his arms.

“I’ll go get Tyler.” I said, leaving the room to check on Tyler.

“کمپال، میں ڈییڈا ہے؟ مجھے کافی کھیلنے کے بارے میں سوچو.” (Umi, why I have daycih? Mason play me enough.) Tyler asked as I walked in, and I laughed.

“ٹویٹر، میں کچھ لوگ ہیں آپ کو بات کرنا چاہتے ہیں. تم خوبصورت لڑکے یاد ہے؟” (Ty, I have some people I want you to talk to. You remember the pretty boys, right?) I asked, and Tyler ran to the living room.

“Pitty boys!” Tyler exclaimed, and I laughed as I sat next to her.

“Hey, Ty.” Niall grinned.

“Ni!” Tyler grinned as she heard Niall’s voice, and Niall grinned back.

“She’s been asking when she can talk to you guys again.” I smiled sadly.

“Where Unca Zee?” Tyler asked, not hearing one of the five on the Skype call.

“Zayn… he went away, Ty.” Louis said gently, and Tyler’s eyes filled with tears.

“Unca Zee leave?” Tyler asked as her tears started to fall.

"No, no. Of course not." Niall tried to reassure her, but Tyler only continued to cry.

"I'll call you again when I'm free, right now I need to calm Tyler down." I told the guys as I carried Tyler to her room.

I didn’t want her to walk around withouteris cane when she was like this. I thought I hung up on the guys, since the laptop was quiet.

"یہ ٹھیک ہو جائے گا، ٹوپی. سوچ بہتر ہو جائے گا، آپ کو دیکھ لیں گے." (It's gonna be okay, Ty. Things will get better, you'll see.) I said, and my little girl sniffed.


	15. Fifteen

"مندرجہ پر کھوج؟" (Umi sing?) She asked.

" یقینی طور پر، کچھ." (Sure, tyke.) I smiled softly as I prepared to sing for Tyler.

_ " _ ♫ _ I close my eyes and I can see  
_ _ The world that's waiting up for me  
_ _ That I call my own  
_ _ Through the dark, through the door  
_ _ Through where no one's been before  
_ _ But it feels like home _

“♫ _ They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy  
_ _ They can say, they can say I've lost my mind  
_ _ I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy  
_ _ We can live in a world that we design _

“♫ _ 'Cause every night I lie in bed  
_ _ The brightest colors fill my head  
_ _ A million dreams are keeping me awake  
_ _ I think of what the world could be  
_ _ A vision of the one I see  
_ _ A million dreams is all it's gonna take  
_ _ A million dreams for the world we're gonna make _

“♫ _ There's a house we can build  
_ _ Every room inside is filled  
_ _ With things from far away  
_ _ The special things I compile  
_ _ Each one there to make you smile  
_ _ On a rainy day _

“♫ _ They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy  
_ _ They can say, they can say we've lost our minds  
_ _ I don't care, I don't care if they call us crazy  
_ _ Runaway to a world that we design _

“♫ _ Every night I lie in bed  
_ _ The brightest colors fill my head  
_ _ A million dreams are keeping me awake  
_ _ I think of what the world could be  
_ _ A vision of the one I see  
_ _ A million dreams is all it's gonna take  
_ _ A million dreams for the world we're gonna make  _

“♫ _ However big, however small  
_ _ Let me be part of it all  
_ _ Share your dreams with me  
_ _ You may be right, you may be wrong  
_ _ But say that you'll bring me along  
_ _ To the world you see  
_ _ To the world I close my eyes to see  
_ _ I close my eyes to see _

“♫ _ Every night I lie in bed  
_ _ The brightest colors fill my head  
_ _ A million dreams are keeping me awake  
_ _ A million dreams, a million dreams  
_ _ I think of what the world could be  
_ _ A vision of the one I see  
_ _ A million dreams is all it's gonna take  
_ __ A million dreams for the world we're gonna make

“♫ _For the world we're gonna make♫_ ” I smiled as Tyler fell asleep halfway through the song, tucking her in like I usually did. I went back to the living room to put the laptop up, and froze when I saw the boys were still Skyping, realising they'd heard me sing.

"You sound amazing, Lilly." Louis said, and my face turned red.

"I thought I hung up…" I fiddled with the bracelet they'd gotten me, specifically the half heart.

"You're wearing the bracelet we got you." Harry smirked when he saw what charm I was playing with.

"I never take it off unless I have to." I admitted as my cheeks turned redder.

"Aww." Liam teased.

“Shut up.” I hid behind my hair, not wanting them to see my red face.

“We’ve missed you, Lilly.” Harry said.

“I’ve missed you guys too.” I said quietly, feeling sad that I couldn’t see them in person.

“So, where exactly are you?” Louis asked.

“In mine and Tyler’s flat. We haven’t moved, boys.” I said, chuckling a little.


	16. Sixteen

“Tell us the address, Lil. Please?” Niall gave me the puppydog eyes.

“I see Tyler’s taught you how to break wills.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

He added in a pouty lip, and I tried not to give in.

“... You’re lucky I can’t smack you. We live in Princess Park, 260 Royal Drive. Flat 416.” I sighed, and the boys cheered.

“Now we know where to go when we have a tour passing through. You’re the best, Lilly.” Louis grinned, and I couldn’t help but grin back.

“I’m not.” I denied, hearing Tyler start to cry a little.

“Go check on Tyler. She needs you right now, we can wait.” Liam said, and I nodded.

“I’ll call you guys later.” I said before hanging up on them and going to the bedroom.

“ممبت چوٹ ہے۔” (Umi huts.) Tyler said, rubbing her arms.

They were purpled with bruises; her jacket had covered most of them.

“Oh, baby.” I hugged Tyler and kissed her forehead.

“مسم اعداد و شمار سے جانا نہیں ہے۔” (Umi don’ wanna go daycih.) Tyler started crying.

“میں تمہیں نہیں بناؤں گا، محبت. اب سے، آپ کا مس کر رہے ہیں تو مس تھوڑا سا کے لئے چھوڑ رہے ہیں. اور میں نہیں چھوڑتا یہ بھی ہلاک ہو، میں وعدہ کرتا ہوں.” (I won’t make you, love. From now on, you’re being babysat by Mason if I have to leave for a bit. I won’t let those bullies hurt you anymore, I promise.) I held Tyler close, already resolving to cuss the entire daycare out for letting this happen to my little girl.

Tyler cried into my shirt, and I rubbed her back until she calmed down.

“کیوں چچا سام جانے کیوں؟” (Umi why Unca Zee leave?) Tyler hiccuped.

“وہ، نہیں چاہتا تھا یار. میں نے تم سے وعدہ کیا، Zad کرنے کے لئے نہیں چاہتے تھے.” (He didn't want to, buddy. I promise you, Uncle Zee didn't want to leave.) I said as I ran my fingers gently through Tyler’s unruly mane of dark brown hair.

Tyler soon fell asleep, and I tucked her into her bed before leaving the room and dialling the daycare's number.

"Tyler won't fucking be going to your damn shitty daycare anymore. She's being fucking babysat instead now, and you can blame all the damn fucking bullies." I said before hanging up, not giving the secretary a chance to try and convince me to reconsider.

Tyler was fast asleep in bed, and I made us both salads for when she woke up. I couldn't cook, so Tyler and I always ate whatever we could put together. I wasn’t used to eating much, and this was the first thing I’d be eating today. We didn’t have enough money to pay for both of us to eat as much as both of us needed, but I refused to take charity. I finished the salads, and checked on Tyler.

She was still fast asleep, and I smiled as I kissed her forehead. I’d do anything to keep Tyler safe. She was my world, and I wouldn't let anything happen to her.

“Sweet dreams, Ty.” I murmured as I left the room, then went back to the living room to cry. 


	17. Seventeen

I’d let my parents down, because Tyler was being bullied at daycare. I’d let my parents down, because Tyler’s father wanted nothing to do with her. I’d let my parents down, because I still haven’t found Evan. I’d let Simon down, because I’d lied about my name. I’d let Simon down, because I’d lied about my age. I’d let the boys down, because I’d lied about my name. I’d let the boys down, because I’d lied about my age. I’d let the boys down, because I’d left them. I couldn't let anyone down anymore. Not when it wasn’t just me I was responsible for.

As soon as I heard Tyler start to wake up, I wiped my tears and put a smile on my face for her even though she couldn't see it. We met each other in the kitchen, where dinner was waiting. Tyler looked a bit better, and I smiled.

“ٹی ، میں اب بھی سائبر ڈیycar تجربہ کار ہوں. تم واپس نہیں جا رہے ہیں۔ میں جانتا ہوں۔ میں وعدہ کرتا ہوں۔” (Ty, I’m gonna have Mason babysit you instead of going to daycare now. You’re not going back to that place with the bullies, I promise.) I said, and Tyler grinned before hugging me.

“مبارک ہے.” (Umi you bes.) Tyler said.

“مجھے معلوم ہے، ٹوٹی. اب جمع کرنے کے لئے ہم کھانا کھانے کے مالک ہیں.” (I know, Ty. Now c’mon, we have dinner to eat.) I smiled as I handed Tyler her plate and began eating my own food.

I finished just before Tyler, and I washed the few dishes. Tyler was listening to the telly while I did that. After our dishes were washed, Tyler and I went to the room. I brought my laptop and pulled up YouTube.

“Pitty boys sing?” Tyler asked, and I chuckled before typing ‘One Direction’ into the search bar.

I began watching videos of the boys while Tyler listened, and I smiled as Tyler grew sleepy during the seventh or eighth video of the boys singing. As soon as Tyler was asleep, I gently moved her so he was laying down and put my laptop on the desk. I slipped into the bed next to Tyler, not wanting to risk waking her as I fell asleep.

In the morning I woke up to a small body holding onto me, and smiled when I noticed Tyler was cuddling with me. I gently slipped out of bed, making sure not to wake her as I went to the kitchen and made a slice of toast for myself and a bowl of cereal for when Tyler woke up. I nibbled at the toast, feeling full when it was half gone. I put the toast in the fridge, deciding to finish it when I had a chance.

“Umi?” Tyler walked into the kitchen, rubbing at one of her eyes as she yawned.

“صبح، ٹورن.” (Morning, Ty.) I smiled and helped her sit in front of her food.

Tyler never really fully functioned without food or some sort of energy in her system, and perked up as she ate her Coco Pops cereal. I smiled, and Tyler hugged me.

“ممم، ہم آج پارک جاتے ہیں؟” (Umi, we go pock today?) Tyler asked with big eyes.

Today was my day off, and a Saturday which meant we were both free. I smiled and ruffled Tyler’s hair.

“ہم آپ کو ایک بار پھر جائیں گے اور میں کپڑے پہنیں گے، ٹھیک ہے؟” (We’ll go once you and I get dressed, alright?) I said, and Tyler finished her food as fast as she could.

I went to the bedroom and got dressed in a shirt Zayn had gotten me that said “One in a Malik”, a pair of sweatpants that were almost too small, along with my worn out Converse that I didn’t have money to replace. Tyler had shoes just slightly too small, and extremely worn. Our clothes were obviously secondhand and cheap, and when I saw Ty in her small shirt I frowned. We’d have to go shopping for new clothes soon. I didn’t have enough money to get both of us enough clothes for the rest of the year, so I’d spend less on myself. Once Tyler and I were ready, we left the flat and headed to the park that was just down the street.

“مسٹر ملا .” (Umi, got sings!) Tyler grinned as she raced ahead after hearing people swinging, and I laughed as I followed her.

“ارے، بھی دور نہ جاؤ!” (Ty, don’t go too far!) I smiled as Tyler found and climbed onto an open swing, looking back in my general direction as she waited impatiently.

Once I got to Tyler, I switched her to a baby swing before I began to push her on it. Tyler laughed and hung onto the chains as I pushed her, and I laughed as Tyler began to swing on her own. Once I was sure Tyler was safely swinging on her own, I sat on the swing next to hers and began to swing. I hadn't been on a swing since before Dad and Papa died, but it was something I couldn't forget how to do. I laughed as the wind made my hair fly behind me, and soon Tyler and I were tired of the swings and went to watch a game of football. We watched as the players kicked the ball into the goal, and I cheered with Tyler as we both chose a team for us to root for.

“نیلا رنگ!” (Go blue!) We shouted, me seeing that one “team” was wearing blue shirts while the other was wearing green.

After a while, the blue team won, which led to Tyler and I cheering happily before walking back to the flat. Tyler chatted happily to me about anything and everything, and I smiled as the two of us made our way inside our flat. Once we were inside, I decided to take a shower.


	18. Eighteen

Tyler went to the bedroom to take a nap, and I grabbed an old shirt of Lou’s that I’d stolen a few months ago and never gave back. It still smelled like him, and I relaxed as I grabbed a pair of Zayn’s sweatpants to go with it before grabbing undergarments and heading into the single bathroom Tyler and I had.

As soon as my shower was done, I got dressed and relaxed as I left the bathroom to make Tyler some food. I’d just eat a piece of fruit. I checked on Tyler, and smiled softly as I saw she’d fallen asleep on her bed, a braille alphabet book open in front of her. I picked up the book and set it on her desk, then tucked her in. I loved Tyler so much, and seeing her so relaxed made me feel like I’d done a good thing by taking her out of that daycare.

“Vas happenin girl?” My phone rang, and I smiled at my ringtone for Zayn.

I picked it up, and debated whether or not to answer. I was trying to help the boys forget me, but it hurt to think of losing them that way. I decided to answer, wanting to talk to him and convince him to go back to the boys.

“Lilly? Are you there?” Zayn asked as I put the phone to my ear.

“No, this is her evil twin.” I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Zayn said, and I laughed.

“I’ve missed you. Why aren’t you with the boys?” I asked.

“I’m trying to find you. Who knew Burntwood was so big?” Zayn sounded like he was having a hard time finding me.

“If you had stayed with the boys you would’ve found out my address. I just Skyped them yesterday.” I said, and Zayn groaned.

“Lilly please tell me where you are so I can find you.” He said, and I could just see his pout.

“Are you going back to the boys as soon as you can?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Liiiiiiiilly.” Zayn dragged my name out.

I chuckled at him, and Zayn laughed.

“Please?” He asked.

“There’s a park and a cafe near my flat, which one do you want to meet at?” I asked, and Zayn sighed.

“Let’s try the cafe. Which one is it?” He said.

“Princess Park Cafe, meet you there in twenty minutes?” I suggested, and Zayn agreed.

Once I hung up on him, I went to my contacts and clicked on Liam’s to call him. He picked up within a minute, and I smiled at how speedy he was.

“Zayn came to Burntwood to try and find me.” I told him, and Liam sighed in relief.

“Thank god, I thought he went to find his ex.” He said, and the two of us had a laugh.

“I’m gonna try to convince him to go back to you guys, One Direction isn’t the same without all five members.” I said, and Liam agreed with me.

“I’ll talk to you later, Lilly. Don’t let Zayn do anything dumb, alright?” Liam said, and I agreed before we hung up.


	19. Nineteen

I woke Tyler up gently, and she frowned tiredly. I didn’t tell her that Zayn was here, only that we were going to the cafe and that I wanted her to dress nice. She didn’t know we were meeting Zayn there, or that Zayn was even here. It was a surprise for both of us that Zayn was here, but it would be an even better surprise for Tyler that she’d actually get to hug the man she saw as an uncle. 

Tyler and I got to the cafe, Tyler wearing my jacket because she was getting cold. I’d told her it wasn’t smart to walk out of the flat in fall without a jacket on, but she didn't listen. Once Tyler and I were inside the cafe and she heard Zayn’s voice, Tyler grinned and walked towards the celebrity as fast as she could with her cane to tackle him in a hug. Zayn hugged back, smiling as he ruffled Tyler’s hair.

“انکل زی!” (Unca Zee!) Tyler said happily, and I chuckled as I stood next to the two.

“Ty!” Zayn replied with the brightest grin I’d ever seen on him.

Tyler got off Zayn so the man could get up, and Zayn hugged me. I immediately hugged back, relaxing.

“ایسا لگتا ہے جیسے للی ہمیشہ کے لئے رہا ہے۔” (It feels like it’s been forever, Lilly.) Zayn said as he pulled away.

“بھائی بھی میرے لئے ایسا ہی محسوس ہوتا ہے۔” (Feels that way for me too, bro.) I said, and Tyler chose a table for the three of us.

We sat down, and I offered to order.

“للی ، مجھے اس کی قیمت ادا کرنے دیں۔” (Lilly, let me pay for it.) Zayn said when I began looking through my purse for my wallet.

“زین ، میں ادا کرنے جا رہا ہوں۔” (Zayn, I’m going to pay.) I argued, successfully finding my wallet and pulling it out.

“Lilly.” Zayn said warningly as I opened my wallet.

“Zayn.” I said in the same tone, frowning when I saw I only had two twenty pound notes in it.

“میں ادا کر رہا ہوں ، اور آپ مجھے روک نہیں سکتے۔” (I’m paying, and you can’t stop me.) Zayn said as he stood up.

“میں ادا کرنے والا ہوں ، اور آپ نیچے بیٹھ جائیں گے۔” (I’m the one paying, and you’re going to sit back down.) I said, using my Batman Voice™ on him.

Zayn paled and sat back down immediately, not wanting to argue with me when I used my Batman Voice™ to get my way. I smirked at him, then went up to the counter and ordered a cappuccino for Zayn, a strawberry milkshake for Tyler, and a blueberry smoothie for myself. I used up one of my 20s to pay for it, and got a ten and four ones in change. I walked back to Zayn and Tyler with our drinks, and handed them out.

“تمہیں یاد آیا۔” (You remembered.) Zayn said as he received his drink.

“یقینا. میں نے کیا۔ آپ کافی والے ہیں۔” (Of course I did. You’re a coffeeholic.) I teased, and Tyler took a drink of her milkshake.

“مسٹر، ٹھنڈ.” (Umi, cold.) Tyler pouted, and Zayn chuckled.

“یہ سرد ہونا چاہئے ، یہ دودھ کی دہائی ہے۔” (It’s supposed to be cold, it’s a milkshake.) He said, and Tyler nodded.

“زین ، آپ کو معلوم ہے کہ آپ کو جلد ہی لڑکوں کے پاس واپس جانا چاہئے۔ وہ آپ کو یاد کرتے ہیں۔” (Zayn, you know you should go back to the boys soon. They miss you.) I said quietly.

“میں کروں گا ، وعدہ کروں گا۔” (I wll, promise.) Zayn smiled, and Tyler poked his face.

“ٹائلر ، نہیں۔” I tried to reprimand my daughter, but my tone of voice didn’t convey it well.

Zayn chuckled, and the three of us joked around for a bit before Zayn said he should probably get back to his hotel room and get ready to go back to the boys.

“الوداع ، انکل زی۔ خوبصورت لڑکے ملنے پر ملتے ہیں۔” (Bye bye, Unca Zee. See when pitty boys visit.) Tyler said as she hugged Zayn before stepping back so Zayn could hug me.

“للی ، آپ کو دوبارہ دیکھ کر بہت اچھا لگا۔” (It was great seeing you again, Lilly.) Zayn said as we hugged.

“جی یہاں بھی۔” (Same here, Zee.) I smiled, and Zayn stepped back before putting his hands in his pockets.

“میں تمہیں بعد میں ملوں گا ، ٹھیک ہے؟” (I’ll see you later, alright?) Zayn smiled.

“بلکل. میں شاید بچانے میں بھی کامیاب ہوں تاکہ میں اور ٹائلر آپ کے کسی محافل میں جاسکیں۔” (Of course. I might even be able to save up so me and Tyler can go to one of your concerts.) I said, and both Tyler and Zayn brightened.

“Love ya, Lill.” Zayn ruffled my hair.

“Love ya too, bro.” I playfully punched his shoulder, and Tyler gave Zayn one last hug before my surrogate older brother left and we headed back to the flat.


	20. Twenty

Three months later, I was working my third job of the day as a cashier for Claire’s, when a guy came in. I honestly think he was looking for something to buy a lady friend or maybe a relative of his, considering the shop specialised in feminine beauty products. My nametag here read Hannah, as did all my nametags for my different jobs. I was busy working, trying not to be noticed unless someone needed to check out. I didn’t want attention, and looked down when my phone pinged with a notification. I smiled as my screen said I had a new message from Niall.

**Lucky☘️: Hows your day been?  
** **Lilly🌸: Boring. I don’t like working here :( Can I go back to working with you guys?  
** **Lucky☘️: I hope so. Lou keeps sulking  
** **Lilly🌸: Tell him to stop sulking or I’m demanding Harry divorce me**

“I’d like to buy this, please.” The guy said, placing some extremely girly makeup on the counter.

“Of course.” I scanned each item through, and frowned when I saw he’d slipped in a piece of paper with his number on it. “That’ll be £6.50. Would you like a receipt?”

“No thank you.” He said as I handed him the bag of makeup.

Once he was gone, I threw his number in the trash.

I left the shop once my shift for the day was over, and made my way to mine and Tyler’s flat to teach her some braille letters. We did seven letters a day, where I’d give Tyler half an hour to get each letter down. She was a bit of a slow learner, but it went by a lot faster than either of us had thought at first. I made sure that we videochatted the boys at least every three days, even though both Lou and Tyler demanded it to be much more often. Speaking of, once Tyler was done learning her letters for the day we were going to call the boys.

“اب ہم خوبصورت لڑکے کہتے ہیں!” (Now we call the pitty boys!) Tyler cheered after the last lesson as I got out my laptop and opened Skype.

I called the laptop I’d left with the boys, and got it answered within a minute.

“LILLY! TYLER!” Niall grinned as he practically screamed our names.

“LUCKY!” I mocked, and Tyler laughed.

Louis popped up, and grinned when he saw us.

“Lilly! You’re alive!” Louis greeted me, and then the other three came into view.

“Hey guys. How’s everything over there?” I asked, and Zayn pouted.

“Simon hired a new makeup artist. Now how’re we supposed to get you back?” He asked.

“Guys, I’m taking care of Tyler now. I couldn't join again without bringing her anyway, and she’s scared of planes and crowds.” I told them, and Liam and Harry pouted.

“But Loully!” Niall protested.

“Loully?” Louis and I were the most confused.

“I don’t think they know.” Zayn said observantly.

“Don’t know what?” I asked.

“Nothing…” Liam said, obviously lying.

“Tell me.” Louis said in a childish voice, making Tyler start laughing.

“I don’t think they’ll tell us anytime soon.” I sighed, and Zayn looked somewhat guilty.

“Lilly please don’t pout. You know we can’t handle that.” Harry said, and I chuckled.

“I’ll only not pout if you guys visit soon. Maybe we could all go out to dinner when you get here.” I smiled when the boys grinned.

“Yay!” Tyler and Niall cheered together, making the rest of us laugh.


	21. Twenty-One

A few weeks after I’d started homeschooling Tyler, I was at my job at the makeup shop when my shift was about to end. The guy who had given me his number walked in, and I avoided eye contact as he came up to the counter.

“Sweet cheeks, I gave you my number about a month ago. You haven’t called me yet.” He said with a glare.

“I have a boyfriend.” I lied, not wanting him near me; he was kind when he came in the first time, but now he was acting like I’d committed a crime.

“So? I want you.” He said, and I flinched.

“Go away.” I said, backing away a little.

My phone pinged with a text, and I quickly grabbed it before he could. It was from Louis.

**Lou💖: Where are you? Tyler woke up and called us when you weren’t home**

**Lilly🌸: Tell him to lock the doors and windows and not to let anyone in**

**Lou💖: What?**

**Lilly🌸: Code blight**

I hoped he’d tell the guys, because Zayn would understand. He and I had developed “codes” for when we couldn't say something plain or didn’t have enough time to say or type it. Code blight meant someone was trying to hurt or threaten one of us. I really hoped they’d find a way to get me out of this.

“Now now, you don’t need to worry. I’ll make you feel good, promise.” He said with a sick smile, and I pressed myself further against the wall.

I wanted to be home with Tyler, not here with this guy. He stepped closer, and I took his movement as my chance to kick him where the sun don’t shine. He doubled over, and I took possibly my only chance and made to run for it.

“You little BITCH!” He yelled, grabbing me by my arm and yanking me back. 

My back hit the wall, and I groaned in pain. The guy kicked me a few times as well, which hurt.

“I was gonna take it easy on you, but now I won’t.” He said, moving to pin me to the wall.

“Get away from me!” I kicked out at him, but only managed to get my legs caught.

“Shut up and stop struggling!” He slapped me, and I cried out at the pain.

I struggled as best as I could, terrified. Mason, Louis, or any of the boys, would be awesome to have here right now. I needed help to get away from this man, and prepared to scream. 

Once he saw me open my mouth, he clamped his hand over my face.

“None of that, now. Wouldn't want anyone  _ interrupting _ us.” He said with a lungful of air breathing into my face.

I bit his hand, making him pull it away in pain, and then I  **_screamed_ ** like the world was ending. If anyone was around, they’d hear me and come running.

The front door was practically thrown open, and Mason ran in. Once he saw what was going on, he immediately pulled the guy away from me and helped me out of the store. I was limping from when he threw me into the wall, and I was definitely going to have to be on bedrest for a while. I really hoped I wouldn’t have to get casts or braces for my injuries.


	22. Twenty-Two

A hospital trip later with Mason, I was wearing a cast on my apparently broken arm, a brace for my sprained wrist, a brace for my sprained ankle, my face was very bruised, and I’d been told not to walk around until I was done healing. Mason helped me to my flat building. I denied any further help, and he left after trying to insist on helping me at least three more times. I got to mine and Tyler’s flat using the elevator, and unlocked the door as best I could.

“ٹیلر، میں گھر ہوں!” (Tyler, I’m home!) I called, and he raced out of her room to hug me.

“Umi!” Tyler cheered, but her smile fell when she felt the casts and braces.

I hugged her as best as I could with the cast, and Tyler hugged me tightly. She helped me to the couch, and sat next to me to cuddle.

“ممبم دکھی۔” (Umi hut.) Tyler looked like she was going to cry.

“میں ٹھیک ہو جائے گا، میں وعدہ کرتا ہوں. یہ صرف کچھ بڑی رودھڑکن ہے۔ میں کوئی وقت میں نہیں سے اوپن میں واپس آؤنگا.” (I’ll be alright, I promise. It’s just some scrapes, buddy. I’ll be back to tip top shape in no time.) I promised, and kissed her forehead.

“خوبصورت لڑکے؟” (Call pitty boys?) Tyler asked, and went to get my laptop when I said yes.

I pulled Skype up, and let Tyler press the button to call the boys. Harry was the one who answered, and stared in shock when he saw the cast, brace, and bruises.

“Lilly…” Harry looked like he was about to cry, and the others popped up.

“Lilly! What happened to you!” Zayn immediately went into big brother mode, while Liam turned into Daddy Direction once he saw the cast on my arm.

“I can’t say it in front of Tyler. She’s impressionable.” I said, and Tyler looked towards me confused.

“No squish, Umi.” She said in confusion, making all of us chuckle.

“Trins، آپ اپنے کمرے میں کیوں نہیں جاتے جبکہ میں لڑکوں سے بات کرتا ہوں؟ میں تم سے وعدہ کروں گا جب تم دوبارہ اندر شامل کر سکتے ہو۔” (Tyler, why don’t you go play in your room while I talk to the boys? I promise I’ll tell you when you can join in again.) I said, and Tyler pouted before going to do as I asked.

“Now tell us what happened.” Niall gave me the puppydog eyes.

“A guy came into the store about a month ago, slipped his number into the things he was buying. I threw it away, and he came in today. He was angry I hadn’t called him, so- so I lied and told him I had a boyfriend. He said it didn’t matter, that he wanted me. I told him to go away, and that was when Lou texted me. He told me not to worry, that he’d make me feel good,” I started to say, and the tears began to fall. “When he stepped cl- closer to me, I took my chance and- and kicked him in the n- nuts. H- he called me a bitch and threw me in- into the wall. I kicked at- at him, but he only gr- grabbed my legs and held me ag- against the wall. Once I had a chance, I screamed l- like the world was ending. Mason heard, and c-came running in. He g- got the guy off me, and helped me t- to the hospital.” I managed to say through the tears that had welled up.

All five of the boys on the other side of the screen looked angry, but Louis and Zayn looked positively livid. I wiped my tears away, but it was still obvious I’d been crying. Zayn and Liam had tears in their eyes.

“We’re going to find the bastard who did this to you, and he’s going to pay. You don’t deserve to be treated like a piece of meat, love.” Louis swore, and I managed to smile.

“Thanks, Lou. I miss you guys so much.” I said, then called Tyler back in so she could rejoin the conversation.

“Umi, wan’ go pock.” Tyler said near the end of the conversation, yawning.

“You’re gonna go to bed.” Liam said, using his Daddy Direction Voice™ to get Tyler to sleep.

“Otay, Li Li.” Tyler yawned and walked sleepily to the bedroom.


	23. Twenty-Three

We talked for a while longer, then the boys had to go rehearse for their upcoming tour. We hung up after making plans to meet up when the boys came through, and I reheated the half piece of toast to eat. Maybe they  _ hadn’t _ noticed the weight loss after all; no one had even so much as hinted at it. I cleaned up the flat while Tyler slept, deciding to ignore the doctor’s orders of bed rest. I was the only one who could pay the bills, the only one who could keep me and Tyler off the streets. I had to do my part to keep Tyler safe, and that meant doing my jobs and earning money. I washed the dishes, and decided to treat Tyler to something we didn’t have ever for her birthday, which was takeout. She’d been begging me lately to let us go out to eat, and I hadn’t given her an answer.

I wondered if the boys would be here when we celebrated, and whether or not they’d help me throw a surprise party for Tyler. Tyler might even get presents this year, instead of old clothes and blankets. I couldn't afford to buy all the things I wanted to, and my old designs wouldn't bring us any money even if I brought them out. Not even the boys knew I’d liked to design, as it was part of me I’d tried to hide after Umi and Abi died, and again after Dad and Papa had died.

The anniversary of the crash was coming up, which meant I’d be crying my eyes out and holding the picture of me, my dads, and Tyler as a baby. It’d been taken at the hospital, the day Tyler had been born. I missed them so much, I just wanted my dads and my parents to come back. But they wouldn’t ever come back, no one could come back from the dead. Thankfully Tyler was asleep in the bedroom, she wouldn’t hear me crying myself to sleep tonight.

“Dad, Papa, Umi, Abi, I miss you.” I whispered as the tears started falling, wanting someone to just hold me.


	24. Twenty-Four

Three weeks later, the anniversary of the crash and the day I lost my dads was almost here. It was tomorrow, to be exact, and Tyler knew this was a really sad time for me. The braces were off and the bruises a faded yellow colour, but I still had four days left with the casts.

“ماں، خوبصورت لڑکوں کو فون؟” (Umi, call pitty boys?) Tyler asked with doe eyes, having finished taking a nap and eaten a banana.

“ٹھیک ہے. مگر صرف آپ کو اس کے مستحق ہیں.” (Alright. But only because you deserve it.) I said, hobbling over to the couch and sitting next to Tyler with my laptop in front of us.

I called the boys, and it went unanswered for seven minutes before Louis popped up.

“Hey, guys.” He said with a bright smile.

“Hey, Lou. How’s everything going over there?” I asked, and his smile got bigger if possible.

“Amazingly, but I’m not allowed to tell you why.” He said, and Tyler used the power of her puppydog face.

“Tell Umi.” She said, and Louis looked away.

“Ty, no. You’re only allowed to do that when it’s necessary. Lou has a surprise for us, and it’s not nice to ruin surprises.” I said, and Tyler pouted.

“Lou, is that Lilly?” Zayn asked, walking into view shirtless.

“Put some clothes on, Zayn.” Liam said out of sight of the camera.

“No no Unca Zee.” Tyler scolded, making all of us start laughing.

“You better listen to her, Zayn. Tyler’s a bonafide stalker and knows where you sleep.” I teased.

“Unca Zee oom bed.” Tyler said, making us laugh harder.

“Is that Lilly and Ty?” Niall asked excitedly, coming into view.

“Hey, Lucky.” I smiled as he sat next to Louis, and Tyler lit up.

“Ni Ni!” She grinned.

“Hey, tyke!” Niall grinned back.

“Lilly!” Harry popped up out of nowhere from behind a still shirtless Zayn, making the Bradford boy jump and fall in surprise.

“Hazza!” I greeted enthusiastically, laughing at my “big brother’s” fall.

“Lilly, you’re supposed to be on my side!” Zayn mock pouted, and when I simply smiled he gave up on trying to look hurt.

"کیا میں واقعی ہوں؟" (Am I really?) I asked.

“So where did you learn Urdu?” Louis asked out of nowhere.

“It’s what my family spoke before I was adopted.” I explained.

“Umi teed me Ing wish time.” Tyler said proudly.

“ _ English,  _ jaan.” I corrected with a fond smile, and the boys chuckled.

“Umi tee muh Unca Mason deh wi’ Rye?” Tyler asked, and I chuckled.

“Sure, kiddo.” I said.

“Pomise?” Tyler gave me her signature ‘please please please’ look.


	25. Twenty-Five

“A Queen never breaks a promise, Ty.” I said with a smile; it was my favourite of the sayings Papa had, because it had a double meaning.

“All hail Queen Lilly.” Niall mockingly bowed, and we all burst out laughing.

“Pincess Ty.” Tyler chimed in, making us laugh harder.

“Well, Princess Tyler, I think you’ll love our surprise for you two.” Louis grinned, and I had never been more in love with him than I was right now.

Yes I, Hannah Lillian Kalb, was in love with one Louis William Tomlinson. I had been since a few months into working with the boys, but I still can’t bring myself to tell him because there’s no way he feels the same way.

“Supise?!” Tyler squealed, grinning excitedly.

“Ow.” I said playfully, and my daughter gave me an apologetic smile.

“Sowwy, Umi.” Tyler apologised, and Liam chuckled.

“So how come Zayn got to see you two and we didn’t?” Louis pouted, and Zayn tried not to smile.

“Well, he showed up out of nowhere, to try and convince me to go back to working with you guys.” I smiled, and the boys sighed.

“Obviously, it didn’t work.” Niall pouted, and Tyler laughed.

“Umi no. Scawy.” She said, and Zayn frowned.

“Well, Lilly’s scared of-” He started to say, but cut himself off when I shot him a withering glare.

“Finish that sentence and you won’t get a birthday present, Malik.” I said, using the Batman Voice™ to ensure he wouldn't.

“Batwoman has come out to play.” Liam said as Zayn paled, and Harry laughed.

“میں برڈ؟” (I Obin?) Tyler asked excitedly, and Niall chuckled.

“Sure, you can be the Robin to my Batwoman.” I told Tyler, and h-  _ she _ grinned.

“Wait, I thought I was your Robin?” Louis pouted, putting a hand on the right side of his chest.

“Wrong side, Lou.” I chuckled.

“Hazza defend me, your wife is abusing me.” Louis said, putting his head on Harry’s arm.

“What? When did this happen? Why wasn’t I best man?” Zayn asked jokingly, and me, Harry, and Louis started laughing.

“Inside joke, dude.” I explained, and he pouted.

“I want to know it.” He whined.

“Old pout.” Tyler said bluntly, making us all start laughing as Zayn pouted more.

“You heard the lady, Zayn.” Niall laughed, and the corners of the Malik’s lips turned up.

“There’s my bro.” I smiled, and Tyler messed with my hair a little before leaning against me.

“Ty, are you trying to make Lilly look like Harry?” Niall questioned, and I snorted.

“Please, I’d have to be pale and have green eyes to look like Hazza.” I said with a smile

“Excuse me, are you calling me white?” Harry said, mock offended.

“Yeah, whatcha gonna do about it?” I retorted, and we laughed.


	26. Twenty-Six

A few days later, I was walking around the city with Tyler by my side. She was talking about anything and everything, keeping her hand in mine and using her cane as we went to buy her some new clothes. I had enough saved up to get her a new dress and even a new skirt, and I trusted her to stay inside our budget if I let her choose them herself. My phone pinged and I took it out of my pocket to see what the notification was from.

**Lou💖: Where are you?  
** **Lilly🌸: Getting some new clothes for Tyler. I promised I’d even buy her a skirt if she stayed in our budget  
** **Lou💖: Get some clothes for yourself too, you deserve it  
** **Lilly🌸: I don’t have enough to get both me and Tyler new clothes, Lou  
** **Lou💖: Use my money then  
** **Lilly🌸: You’re making this hard for me on purpose, aren’t you?  
** **Lou💖: I have no idea what you’re talking about love**

I smiled at his antics, and let Tyler lead me to the girls’ section of the store as she used her cane to navigate.

“منہم، ہم اس کپڑے ملے؟” (Umi, we get dess?) Tyler asked.

“بلکل. تم کیوں نہیں جاتے، اس میں سے محبت کرتے ہو؟” (Of course. Why don’t you go try this one on, love?) I asked, pulling her size of a pastel blue dress off the rack and handing it to her.

Tyler smiled brightly and went into the changing room, coming out a few minutes later with the dress on and her cane in hand. I smiled brightly and took a picture, sending it to the group chat I had with the boys.

**Lou💖: So cute!  
** **Big Brother🎨: Tyler looks so happy  
** **Lucky☘️: Where are you????????  
** **Daddy Direction🥄: I see a Liam dress in the background!  
** **Curly🦋: y wasnt i invited?!?!?!?!  
** **Lilly🌸: Of course Liam notices the dress with his face on it  
** **Daddy Direction🥄: Hey!  
** **Lilly🌸: Tyler says hi to Lucky, by the way  
** **Big Brother🎨: What about MEEEEEEEEEE?**

“Ty, Zayn says hi.” I told her, and she brightened.

“Unca Zee!” She cheered, and went to change back into her clothes.

**Lilly🌸: Gotta go, we’ve got more shopping to do**

I put my phone back in my pocket, and grabbed the dress from Tyler so we could buy it at the counter after we picked out a skirt for her.

“آپ ایک سکرٹ بھی چاہتے ہیں، ٹیڈ چاہتے ہیں؟” (Do you want a skirt too, Ty?) I asked her, and Tyler nodded.

“ہمیں ایک خوبصورت آدمی ملے؟” (We get one has pitty boys?) She asked, and I smiled.

“ہم ایک تلاش کر سکتے ہیں تو، ٹھیک ہے؟” (If we can find one, okay?) I replied, and she grinned as I began leading her to the skirts.

We soon found a skirt with One Direction on it, but they didn’t have it in Tyler’s size. We looked some more, and soon found a One Direction skirt in her size that went down to her knees. Tyler tried it on, and grinned at me when she came out of the changing room with it on.

“مختصر کیسی دیکھیں؟” (How look, Umi?) Tyler asked.

“تم حیرت انگیز نظر آتے ہیں. اپنے کپڑے میں واپس جاؤ اور ہم آسمان میں سکرٹ اور ٹھیک خریدیں گے، ٹھیک ہے؟” (You look amazing, love. Change back into your clothes and we’ll buy the skirt and dress for you, alright?) I smiled, and accepted the skirt from her after Tyler had done so.

Once we bought the clothes, we went to another store to buy Tyler some new shoes and a jacket. After I finished shopping for her, I’d have enough to get myself a jacket and maybe a new shirt. I might even have enough to buy myself a new pair of shoes. The ones I was wearing right now had holes and the soles were worn to almost nothing. I really hoped I had enough to buy all I needed, but Tyler came first. My daughter always came first.

Tyler chose a pair of cheap shoes that would last for a while, and I smiled at her thoughtfulness.

**Big Bro🎨: Lilly  
** **Little Sis🌸: What  
** **Big Bro🎨: I think I know what to get you for Christmas  
** **Little Sis🌸: You can’t ship a person over, Z**

I smiled to myself and put my phone in my pocket, walking with Ty to choose a jacket for her. She chose a light green one with unicorns on it with my help, and we headed to checkout to buy her shoes and jacket. We paid, and I had £17 left to buy my own things. I just had to hope it was enough.

“ماں، میں بہت سے فون بات کرتا ہوں؟” (Umi, I talk pitty boys phone?) Tyler asked as we began walking to a nearby store that sold clothing in my size.

“یقینی بات ہے کہ. ایک بات کرنی ہے جسے آپ بات کرنا چاہتے ہیں؟” (Sure, baby. Which one do you want to talk to?) I asked her.

“Ni and Unca Zee.” Tyler squealed.

I chuckled and dialled Zayn on my phone before handing it to Tyler to talk to him on. She talked excitedly to him for a while after he realised it was her, and we finished our shopping while she talked to the boys.


	27. Twenty-Seven

“ماں ، نہیں ، نہیں کہہ رہا ہے وہ آپ سے بات کرنے کی ضرورت ہے کہتے ہیں.” (Umi, Ni say he talk you.) Tyler said as we were walking back to the flat, and I took the phone from her gently.

“Hey, Lucky.” I greeted him with a smile, and Tyler bounced along beside me as we walked, her cane tapping on the sidewalk.

“Hey, Lilly.” He said, and I could tell this was a serious moment.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my smile falling a little.

“How much did you weigh when you left, Lill?” Niall asked, and I could almost imagine his serious face.

“I don’t know, why?” I asked, even though I had a sinking feeling what the answer was.

“How much do you weigh now?” He asked, and I bit my lip.

“I don’t wanna know, but I’ll check when Tyler and I get back to the flat.” I said, knowing I probably wouldn't.

They’d find out I lost weight if I did. Tyler and I walked inside our apartment, and she went to her room to put her new clothes away. I set my own clothes on the couch, then headed to the bathroom to check my weight like Niall had asked me to.

When I looked down at the scale I was shocked. 

I hadn’t realised it was broken.

**Lilly🌸: The scale’s broken  
** **Lucky☘️: It is?  
** **Lilly🌸: Yeah. I don’t know why**

I walked over to Tyler’s room to see her getting under the covers.

“ماں، کہانی ؟” (Umi, eed stowy?) She asked, and I gave her a tired smile.

“تم ایک چاہتے ہیں، مٹھای؟” (Which one do you want, sweetie?) I asked.


	28. Twenty-Eight

A few weeks after I’d tried to weigh myself, Tyler and I were counting out how much money we had for Christmas presents. It amounted to £20 after bills and groceries. Not enough to get her what I wanted. Not enough to see the smile on Tyler’s face on Christmas morning when we opened our presents. We wouldn’t have enough to even  _ get _ presents if I didn't find a way to make more money soon. I had to find a way to earn more money so I could see Tyler smile her bright grin that I hadn’t seen in a few months. I needed to see that she wasn’t sad and hurt that we had secondhand clothes and hand-me-downs for our wardrobes, and I needed to see that she was happy with me here and with her. I needed to see she was okay with being blind and never knowing what I looked like.

“شہد، مجھے آپ کو حاصل کرنے کے لیے ایک اور کام حاصل کرنے کی ضرورت ہے یہ آپ کے ساتھ کم وقت خرچ کیا جائے گا، لیکن اب صرف اب ٹھیک ہے؟ میں نہیں چاہتا کہ آپ کے دور سے میں کر رہا ہوں لگتا ہے کہ میں نہیں ہوں اور میں نہیں ہوں. میں صرف آپ کو اپنے تحفہ کھولنے جب کہ آپ پر مسکرایا جب ہیڈی مسکراس پر مسکرانی چاہوں گا.” (Honey, I might need to get another job to get you what I want to. It’ll mean spending less time with you, but it’s only for now okay? I don’t want you to think I’m doing this to get away from you because I’m not. I just want to see you smile on Christmas when you open your present.) I kissed her forehead.

“ماں نہیں. کوئی اکیلے نہیں.” (Umi no. No be alone.) Tyler hugged me tightly, her cheek resting on my chest.

“اگر آپ چاہتے ہیں، تو میں لڑکوں سے پوچھتا ہوں کہ جب آپ پر نظر آئے اور کھیل کھیلتے ہوئے ہوں میں اپنی نوکریاں میں سے ہوں اگر میں نے اپنی نوکریاں میں کرنا ہوں۔ میں آپ کو اکیلے نہیں کرنا چاہتا، اور میں ہمارے لئے کافی پیسہ بنانے کے لئے کافی پیسے کرنا چاہتا ہوں۔” (If you want, I could ask the boys when they can come over to watch over you and play games while I do my jobs if Mason’s busy. I don’t want you to be alone either, and I want to make enough money for us to have a happy Christmas this year.) I kissed her forehead, and Tyler relaxed a little.

“خوبصورت لڑکے؟” (Pitty boys?) She said hopefully, and I chuckled lightly.

“جی ہاں، بچے. کافی لڑکوں، اور میں جانتا ہوں کہ وہ آپ کے ساتھ کھیلتے کھیل کھیلیں گے اور تیس ظاہر کرتا ہے۔ ہیری بھی آپ کو اپنے بال، مٹھایا.” (Yeah, baby. Pretty boys, and I know they’ll love playing games with you and having fashion shows. Harry might even let you play with his hair, sweetie.) I told her softly, holding my little girl close and letting her listen to my heart so she would stay calm for me.

Tyler had always had this underlying fear that I would leave her behind, that I was spending all this time away from her because I didn’t love her. I did love my daughter dearly, and I loved her with all the love I could give. She was my family, and we were all each other had left.

“ماں، تو کوئی پرواہ نہیں ہے تو کوئی پرواہ نہیں. - جی ہاں.” (Umi, no cah if get peasants. Just you.) Tyler mumbled against my shirt, and I smiled softly.

I kissed her forehead and rubbed her back reassuringly, letting Tyler relax on me.

“I، ٹوئیٹر تم سے محبت. میرا یہ کافی نہیں کہوں، لیکن میں کرتا ہوں۔ تم میرے بچے ہیں اور میں تمہیں اکیلے ہو نہیں کر رہا ہوں. میں وعدہ کرتا ہوں” (I love you, Tyler. I don’t say it enough, but I do. You’re my baby girl, and I’m not gonna let you be alone. I promise.) I whispered to her, and she smiled as she fell asleep on me.

I fell asleep soon after, and only woke up when Tyler got off of me.

“Ty?” I mumbled, opening my eyes to see her through blurry vision; my glasses must have fallen off.

“³­ ¸ô¶َ میں نے آپ کو جاکر جانا نہیں چاہتا تھا، واپس سو جاؤ..” (Battoom, Umi. No mean wake up, go sleepy.) Tyler kissed my cheek, and I relaxed into the couch again.

“¹è°يئؤ?” (Are you hungry, jaan?) I asked her as I woke up a bit more, but Tyler had already walked into the bathroom, using the walls to navigate through our flat around the boxes.

I got off the couch and walked to the kitchen after picking my glasses up from where they’d dropped and putting them on, opening the fridge and grabbing some food to make something for me and Tyler. I made the quesadilla easily enough, and cut it by the time Tyler walked out of the bathroom. I gave her some slices, and ate my own slowly. Tyler was eating hers happily, chatting about random things through mouthfuls of tortilla-and-cheese. I smiled at her, liking how easy things were when we spent time together. If only my dads were here with us too. The thought of Dad and Papa made my smile falter as I listened to Tyler, but I let it come back naturally as she told a cheesy joke even Harry would cringe at, and laughed.


	29. Twenty-Nine

“ٹی ، خوبصورت لڑکے سے بات کرنا چاہتے ہیں؟” (Ty, do you wanna talk to the pretty boys?) I asked after we finished eating.

She still had half her slices on her plate and I had some of mine still, but I was too full. I took Tyler’s plate gently when she signalled she was done and put my remaining slices on it, and put it in the fridge for later. We headed to the couch and got my laptop, and I pulled up Skype after switching my glasses out for my contacts.

“ماں، خوبصورت لڑکے لڑکوں؟” (Umi, pitty boys here peasant give?) Tyler asked with her too-innocent cloudy blue eyes, and I gave her a slight smile.

“پیار ہے، وہ اپنے گھرانے میں خرچ کرنا چاہتے ہیں. شاید ہم ان کے خاندان سے پورا کر سکتے ہیں, لیکن یہ کام خاندان کے لئے ایک وقت ہے.” (Baby, they have their own families they want to spend Christmas with. Maybe we could meet their families, but Christmas is a time for family.) I kissed her forehead, and Tyler’s bright expression fell slightly as she put her sunglasses on.

“Unca Zee?” She asked.

“انکی بیحد تک اس کے اپنے خاندان کی خاندان ہے۔ مجھے معلوم ہے کہ ہم کافی لڑکوں کے ساتھ گھر کے خاندان پسند ہیں، لیکن ہم خاندان نہیں ہیں.” (Uncle Zee has his own family too, honey. I know we’re  _ like _ family with the pretty boys, but we  _ aren’t _ family.) I explained gently, and Tyler’s lip quivered.

I clicked on the boys’ contact, and it rang for a minute or two before it was answered.

“Lilly! Ty!” Liam smiled, and we smiled back.

“Hey, Li.” I greeted, and saw the others walk into the room.

“Lilly!” Louis grinned, sitting next to Liam.

“Lou!” I grinned back, and the guys smirked at the two of us.

What was that about? They hadn’t figured out my feelings for him, had they?

“I just realised me and Lou live on the same street as you two!” Harry grinned.

“Wait what. And we’ve never run into each other during tour breaks?” I looked at the two in shock, and Louis looked at me with slight guilt.

“It’s never on purpose, but we don’t usually sleep in our flat.” He explained, and Tyler laughed.

“Umi jobs.” She tattled on me, and I playfully shoved her.

“Tattle tale.” I said jokingly, and she pouted.


	30. Thirty

“Lilly, you don’t need to get another job.” Liam frowned at me through the screen.

“It’s just to get Ty a good Christmas present.” I defended myself.

Louis looked away guiltily, and the other members of 1D looked at him.

“Lou…” Zayn said warningly.

“I already bought it and sent it, you can’t get mad at me now.” He said, putting his hands up in surrender.

“Au contraire, I  **can** get mad at you. But I won’t.” I smiled at him, and Tyler poked my dimple.

“Lilly, you look tired.” Zayn frowned at me, bringing attention to the bags under my eyes.

“I’m fine, I’m getting my sleep. I promise, Zee.” I told him, and Tyler rested her head on my shoulder.

“Umi nap.” She informed them, and I chuckled.

“Tyler, how much sleep has Lilly been getting?” Louis asked, and I frowned at him for not believing I’d tell the truth.

“Not enough. Loss jobs and me. Umi sleepy.” Tyler pouted.

“I’ve been getting sleep.” I argued in my defense.

“I time, Umi. On’y diss good.” Tyler frowned up at me as she held up four fingers, and the boys gave me shocked looks.

“Lilly I will fly down there myself and make sure you sleep if I have to.” Louis threatened, and I bit my lip.

“It’s not my fault the sleeping medication doesn’t work.” I defended myself, and Liam and Zayn raised their eyebrows.

“Sleeping medication?” Zayn questioned.

“I’ll tell you guys when we’re face to face, this isn’t something that should be said through a screen.” I said, and Niall’s eyes widened slightly as he realised what I meant.

“Is it what we talked about when I walked with you back to the hotel that one time?” He asked just to make sure, and I nodded.

“Wait, Niall knows? And he hasn’t told us?” Harry pouted.

“Dude, I’m not gonna tell. No matter how much you pout.” Niall sent him an unamused look, and Tyler giggled.

“I told you guys if you wanted to know to look my name up.” I frowned at them.

“Lou said it felt like an invasion of privacy.” Harry told, and the Doncaster lad blushed.

“And now I’m telling you myself, look my name up. But don’t treat me differently after you know, I rather like not being pitied.” I gave them a half-smile, pointedly ignoring the worried looks and the way Louis’s eyes seemed so much bluer than usual.

His eyes only looked that way if he’d been crying, I knew from experience.

“You realise we’re not gonna let you keep working so much if you’re not getting sleep, Lill. You need to take care of yourself, and you’re not.” Louis told me through the screen, and I gave him a half-smile.

“I am taking care of myself, Lou. I’m eating, exercising… just because I’m not sleeping much doesn’t mean I’m not taking care of myself.” I gave him my best convincing smile, and he gave me a disbelieving look.

The boys had to go rehearse then, and I had to head out to one of my jobs, so we hung up. I made sure Mason was with Tyler before I went to my job as a cashier. I still hadn’t been seen by the boys with my glasses, and I didn’t plan to. I sighed as I tied my hair back with one of Louis’s old bandannas that had “gone missing” and stood at my register to ring the objects through. I sighed to myself as I worked, reminding myself that this was for Tyler, all of this was for Tyler.

“Alright, Hannah. See you next week!” Amy, one of the coworkers I could get along with, waved as she walked out of the store.

“Bye, Amy!” I waved back with a smile, then finished my shift and headed back to mine and Tyler’s flat.

I walked inside, to see Tyler playing with her blocks. Mason gave me a smile, side-hug, and then left to go meet up with his boyfriend. I smiled to myself as I went to my half-packed suitcase to get a change of clothes for after a shower.

One of Zayn’s old shirts, a pair of Louis’ sweatpants, my own undergarments, and a towel to dry off. I took my shower, taking the time to shave my skin free of hair and wash myself thoroughly until my skin was almost raw. Once my shower was done I got dressed in the clothes I’d grabbed and relaxed at the familiarity of the material. I really hoped they didn’t notice I’d stolen their clothes, it just felt like home when I wore them. I walked over to Tyler, and nudged her gently.

“ارے، سویٹی. تم کیا کہتے ہیں ہم برف حاصل کرنے کے لئے اب جانا ہے؟” (Hey, sweetie. What do you say we go get that ice cream now?) I suggested, and Tyler immediately leapt up to change into her new dress and get her new shoes and coat on, her cane in hand.

“جاؤ، ماں!” (Go go, Umi!) Tyler squealed after she was done changing.

I chuckled and got my worn and thin “winter” jacket on before grabbing hold of my daughter’s hand and walking with her outside the flat complex. It was time to get us some ice cream, even if it was getting colder now. 

It was never too cold for ice cream, as Papa used to say. We were walking down the street to the ice cream shoppe that Dad and Papa had always taken me to no matter where we were, glad that it was only a short walk from the flat. This ice cream shoppe had so many memories, ones that I’d never get again. 

When Dad and Papa adopted me; that time Papa and me were playing ball, and I won; when I was in my seventh-year play and my dads were front row grinning even though I was only a bush; when I scored the winning goal for my eighth-year footie team and Papa lifted me on his shoulders; when I danced in my first ballet recital; when I found out I was pregnant with Tyler; when my daughter was born…


	31. Thirty-One

“ماں، خوبصورت لڑکوں کا دورہ؟” (Umi, pitty boys visit?) Tyler asked, and I was taken out of my thoughts to see we’d arrived at the ice cream shoppe.

“مجھے امید ہے، محبت.” (I hope so, jaan.) I smiled and ruffled her hair, walking inside the shop with my daughter.

“Hannah? Is that you?” A mother-type woman behind the counter said when she saw me.

She looked vaguely familiar.

“Do I know you?” I asked as Tyler and I walked to the counter.

“It’s me, Hannah. Matilda.” The mother smiled at me, walking around the counter to pull me into a hug that felt extremely familiar yet foreign at the same time.

I hugged back unsurely, and a vaguely familiar scent hit me - Dad’s favourite perfume that Papa liked to wear for him. The mother - Matilda - was wearing it. The smell of home that I hadn’t been able to find for almost four years, Matilda had it all around her. Tyler tugged on my shirt, her eyes wide with confusion.

“Umi, ice ceam?” She reminded me, and Matilda let go of me so my daughter and I could order.


	32. Thirty-Two

About a week later, two months before Christmas, Mason was watching Tyler while I packed up mine and Tyler’s things inside the flat. I was wearing one of Louis’s old shirts again, my own jeans (that pinched at my waist and left marks) this time, and my hair was tied back in one of his old bandannas. There was a knock at the door, and I glanced at the time. Tyler wasn’t due to be brought back until three hours from now, so it wasn’t her and Mason. I walked over to the door and looked through the peephole, immediately recognising the lad there. I opened the door, and watched as his blue eyes lit up once he saw me. He didn’t mention how much weight I‘d lost.

“Lilly.” He grinned at me, and I grinned back.

“Hey.” I pulled him into mine and Tyler’s flat, and he chuckled as he let me.

“I’ve missed you.” He said, wrapping his arms around me after shutting the door.

“I’ve missed you too. It’s been way too quiet without you.” I hugged the lad back.

“You have no idea, Lilly. It’s been absolute hell without you.” He mumbled into my hair.

“The boys sent me pictures and videos. You really drank yourself unconscious?” I questioned, and felt as he cringed a little.

“I couldn’t take not seeing you every day. You made the unpleasant side of things at least somewhat bearable.” He whispered, and I rubbed his back.

“Lou, you could’ve called me. I would’ve listened to whatever it was, you know me.” I smiled, and my phone buzzed on the table.

“I know, but I didn’t want to take away from your time. You could’ve been busy with work or Tyler, and I didn’t want to bother you.” Louis pulled away from the hug reluctantly, and I smiled.

“To make up for not calling me when you needed to talk to me, you’re taking me dancing. No arguing, Tomlinson.” I told him, and Louis grinned.

“Right now?” He asked with a chuckle of his own.

“Why not? I don’t have to pick Tyler up until three hours from now.” I kissed his cheek, then went to get my purse and put my phone and wallet in it, along with my dance clothes.

“Still the same.” Louis brushed his fringe away from his eyes, and I smiled.

“I haven’t been dancing since I had to leave you guys, Lou.” I admitted softly, and he looked at me in surprise.

“Hannah Lillian Kalb, the greatest dancer I’ve ever known, hasn’t been dancing in 5 months?” He looked at me like I’d just told him unicorns weren’t real.


	33. Thirty-Three

“Tyler and I haven’t had the time or the money. She needs to be looked after, I have to work my jobs to keep a roof over our heads and afford to eat… I can’t let them take her away from me, Lou. I already lost my parents, I’ll be alone if they take her too.” I mumbled, and Louis wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“If they try, I can always have her live with my mum.” He offered, and I smiled slightly as we left the flat complex.

“Lou, you’re too nice to me. I hurt you when I left…” I looked down a little, and Louis lifted my chin gently so I was looking at him again.

“Lilly, it only hurt because we didn’t get to say goodbye, or promise to see each other again. I’m here with you now, and I don’t feel a thing.” He said, and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

I let myself relax, and blushed a little as we walked to the dance studio near the flat. Thankfully it was by the ice cream shoppe as well, since that was where Mason was with my baby girl. Louis and I walked inside the dance studio, Louis wearing my hat and sunglasses as a sort-of disguise to keep us from getting mobbed by his fans. 

Somehow it worked to hide his hair, and he was even doing his best to hide his adorable Donnie accent so the fans wouldn't recognise him through his “disguise”. The two of us walked in and went to the changing rooms. I changed into my light blue leotard with the see-through gauzy skirt and walked out of the changing room to the actual studio room that I’d bought back when I first started working with the boys, when I’d had enough extra money to do so. I popped my head out of the studio, and saw my favourite Doncaster boy looking around cluelessly.

“Over here, Lou.” I said with a chuckle, and he smiled as he turned and saw me.

“You shouldn’t disappear on me like this, Lill. I thought for a moment you’d left and I’d get swarmed all alone without my Batwoman to save me.” He said as dramatically as he could, walking over to where I stood.


	34. Thirty-Four

“If I’m Batwoman are you my Robin?” I joked as we walked inside the studio room, and Louis chuckled.

“I thought Tyler was your Robin?” He questioned as he shut the studio door behind him.

“She’s my Oracle, second-in-command of the base. You, however, are my Robin. You earned it.” I chuckled, and Louis connected his phone to the speaker to play some music for us to dance to.

I grinned a little as one of the soft, wordless songs that Louis and I loved to dance to began playing. He’d remembered.

“May I have this dance, my lady?” Louis asked with a boyish grin and posh accent, and I nearly blushed.

“Why of course, my kind sir.” I said, imitating his posh accent and giving a small curtsy.

The two of us began laughing, and Louis grabbed my hand to begin a dance we both knew well. He and I were good dancers alone, and better together. Zayn, Niall, and Liam were good dancers too, but whenever they and I danced together someone got their feet stepped on, and it wasn’t them. Harry and I couldn't dance at all when paired together, he almost immediately tripped over my legs and brought us both down. Dancing with Louis was one of the few things I could do with him that couples did, without exposing my feelings and getting rejected.

Louis rested his right hand on my side, my left going to his shoulder as he grabbed my right hand in his left. The two of us began swaying in time to the music, spinning slowly and letting ourselves just move mindlessly to the familiar tune.

“I’ve missed this.” I mumbled, and Louis smiled as he spun me.

“What exactly was it you missed, love?” He asked.

“Dancing, letting myself get lost in the music, not worrying…” I trailed off, relaxing a little as the song changed to another, slightly faster wordless song.

Louis smiled more, our positions changing with the new song. It was reminiscent of the days when Dad and Papa would take me to my ballet lessons. This was something I loved doing, even if the memories of my recitals and lessons were bittersweet now that my dads were gone.

“Doesn’t Tyler know how to dance?” Louis asked as the song finished, and we stopped dancing for a short break.


	35. Thirty-Five

“I wish I could get lessons for her at some point since she’s so smart for her age. But I’d have to find a way to squeeze them in along with my jobs, paying the bills… I wish we didn’t have to worry about so much, but she’s the only family I have and I’m all she has.” I said, sitting next to him on the bench in the room and accepting the bottle of water he handed me. 

I had to accept that I wasn’t going to find Evan, it’d been 12 years since I saw my brother last. I couldn't keep trying to make Zayn into my brother’s replacement, it wasn’t fair to him or Evan’s memory.

“You have me and the guys. You can always turn to us when you need to, love. You don’t have to do this alone anymore, we won’t let you.” Louis said firmly, his arm wrapping around my shoulders to pull me close.

I relaxed under the familiarity of the gesture, letting myself be comforted. Somehow Louis knew exactly how to calm me down whenever doing this- raising Tyler on my own, working at least three different jobs, paying bills I was too young to, never having enough time to just exist, struggling to find time to just  _ be _ . It was one of the few things I could count on to always be true. Louis would always be here for me. Even if he wasn’t  _ here _ here in the way I wished he was, he was still here.

My phone buzzed again, and I picked it up only to freeze in shock. The hospital was calling me.

“Hello?” I answered shakily.

“Is this Hannah Kalb?” A man asked, and I sucked in a breath.

“This is she. Has something happened?” I asked, Louis pulling me into his arms to offer what comfort he could.

“You’re the emergency contact for Tyler Kalb.” He said.

“What’s happened to my daughter?” I questioned, the shock of the call numbing me.

“Tyler was running into the street when she was knocked over. She hit her head, and could have a concussion. We’d like to keep her overnight to ensure that she doesn’t have one, and you’ll be presented with the bill when you come to pick her up.” He told me before hanging up.


	36. Thirty-Six

“Love, talk to me. What’s happened to Ty?” Louis asked, rubbing my back rhythmically.

“She’s in the hospital. They think she has a concussion, and I’ll get the bill when I pick her up tomorrow. She fell and hit her head while crossing the street. I can’t lose Tyler, Lou. I can’t lose my baby girl.” I started crying, and he held me close as I let it out.

“Lilly, you won’t lose her. Not if I have anything to say about it.” Louis promised, rubbing my back and holding me until I was done crying.

“I wish I had your optimism… the landlord gave the two of us until the end of the month to pack our things and move out. He found out I lied about my age, I don’t know how but he did. I’m only 19, I can’t be homeless with Tyler to take care of. I can’t let CPS take her, she’s my only family.” I admitted in a whisper.

“You’re 19? I thought you were 22.” Louis frowned.

“I had to lie about my age to qualify for most of my jobs, I’m just used to telling people I’m older than I actually am. I’m so sorry I lied to you and the boys, Lou.” I mumbled, and he wrapped his arms tighter around me to reassure me.

“It’s okay, Lilly. You were doing it for Tyler, and I can’t blame you for that.” He told me softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

Once I was calm enough, the two of us changed out of our dance clothes, left the dance studio, and made our way to the hospital as quickly as we could. Louis kept a tight grip on my hand the entire time, partially to reassure me and partially to reassure himself. We sat in the uncomfortable waiting room, and Louis held me close as I waited anxiously for news about Tyler. Mason had explained through a phone call that he’d been the one to bring her to the hospital and that they wouldn't let him pay the bill since he wasn’t her guardian or family.

“Family of Tyler Kalb?” A nurse asked, and Louis and I stood up and followed her.

“How is she?” I asked, afraid of the answer.

“Luckily she didn’t sustain damage other than a bump on her head. From what we can tell, she’d run into the street after a small animal or something she dropped.” The nurse said.


	37. Thirty-Seven

The nurse opened the door to a room for the two of us, and left to give us some privacy with Tyler. She was laying in the bed, awake, and smiled when she heard us.

“Umi.” Tyler said, reaching her small arms out as Louis and I came to a stop next to the bed.

“You’re okay.” Louis said, and I almost cried with how relieved I was.

“Hug?” Tyler asked.

The Doncaster lad smiled and did as she asked, letting Tyler hug him as the two of us sat next to her bed. The three of us talked for a while, my 4-yr-old daughter using half complete English sentences and looking almost like her usual vibrant self.

“Sleepy. Home?” Tyler asked, and I let a soft and sad smile show.

“ہٹ، تم کو یہاں آج رات رہنا ہوگا. میں کل کر بھی کہہ رہا ہوں، میں کل کر سکتے ہیں، فلیٹ کے لئےکی لطیفہ کے لۓ گا.” (Baby, you gotta stay here tonight. I promise as soon as I can tomorrow, I’ll bring you back to the flat.) I promised, and she pouted.

“اب گھر جاؤ.” (Wan’ home  _ now _ Umi.) Tyler whined, and I tapped her knuckles lightly with my fingers in lieu of scolding.

“ٹولر نہیں ہے جہاں نہیں رہا. آپ یہاں آج رات رہنے کی ضرورت ہے.” (Tyler, don’t whine. You need to stay here tonight.) I tried to explain to her.

“Doctah meanie Umi.” Tyler tried to explain to me, and Louis ruffled her messy brown hair.

“No touch, bad.” Tyler said, pouting and covering her bouncy little curls with her hands to stop him.

Louis smiled and I chuckled, making Tyler relax a little. She yawned, and I kissed her forehead. We left a little while after Tyler had fallen asleep.

Louis and I headed back to mine and Tyler’s flat, and the Doncaster lad finally noticed I was wearing his shirt and bandanna. He grinned, his dimples showing as the two of us walked inside.

“Have you been stealing my clothes, Lilly?” Louis asked as he put the kettle on to boil.

“Maybe, maybe not.” I smiled, and Louis chuckled as he went into the kitchen to make us some tea.

I went into Tyler’s room, and switched from the too-tight jeans to a pair of loose sweatpants that were too long in the leg. A pair of Zayn’s that I’d borrowed and never given back.


	38. Thirty-Eight

The Doncaster lad looked around my flat after putting the kettle on to boil, and noticed there was only one bedroom and the boxes filled with things. He frowned for half a second before going back to smiling, but I caught it.

“What’s wrong, Lou?” I asked, and he looked at me.

“Why is there only one room, Lilly?” Louis asked, taking a seat next to me on the couch.

“This is the best I can afford for me and Ty. If it helps, we sometimes share the bed.” I answered, and nearly winced at the way Louis’ eyes widened.

“And the rest of the time?” He pressed.

I mumbled an answer, knowing he didn’t hear me.

“What was that?” Louis asked softly.

“I sleep on the couch.” I whispered, and Louis pulled me into a hug.

“You and Tyler deserve better, love. You deserve your own rooms, your own beds.” He said, and I felt my cheeks warm.

“Lou, I just don’t have the money to afford better for us. I wish I did, but I don’t.” I said as I looked down, and Louis gently lifted my chin with his fingers.

“Chin up, love. We’ll figure something out, I won’t let you live on the streets.” Louis kissed my forehead, and something in me ached more than usual for it to be more than friendly.

“I really wish I had your optimism, Lou.” I mumbled, and Mason walked in with a bag of groceries and tears in his light brown eyes.

“Mason, what’s wrong?” I asked as he set the groceries on the counter.

“When I got home, Ryan was making out with the neighbour. My boyfriend cheated on me, Han.” My gay best friend said, then noticed Louis.

“Mason, you met Lou through the videochat a few months ago. Lou, you remember Mason right?” I said, trying to avoid an awkward silence.

“Nice to meet you in person, Mason.” Louis said, smiling slightly at Mason and holding a hand out.

Mason shook it with a watery smile. He knew how I felt about Louis, but also knew not to tell him. I’d rather have Louis as just a friend than lose him forever. And I didn’t want Mason to be a wingman when he’d just caught his boyfriend of three years cheating.

“I’d say the same, but…” Mason trailed off, and Louis nodded understandingly.


	39. Thirty-Nine

“You want some tea, Mase?” I asked, and he nodded as he put some groceries in the fridge and the rest in the freezer.

“I just- I was gonna propose tonight.” He mumbled, and my heart hurt for him.

“He wasn’t worth it. I know you love him, but he cheated on you. There’s no excuse for that.” I pulled him into a hug, and Mason relaxed into it immediately.

“I’ll be in the bedroom to give you some privacy, Lilly.” Louis told me, then pressed a kiss to my forehead before stepping into the room and shutting the door.

**Third Person**

Louis pulled his phone out once the door was shut, and went to his messages.

**Hazza: where r u  
** **Lou: At Lilly’s. Get the boys together, we gotta kill a bitch  
** **Hazza: ?!?!  
** **Lou: Mason’s boyfriend cheated. He was gonna propose tonight  
** **Hazza: ill get the shuvl  
** **Hazza: whos mason agin**

Louis chuckled at his friend, and looked around the room. It was small, cluttered. There was a twin mattress sitting on some wooden boxes with a folded blanket for a pillow and a thin blanket to cover up with. The Doncaster lad frowned at the makeshift bed frame, and looked around the rest of the room. 

The window was half-broken and missing more than half the glass. The dresser was just some cardboard boxes holding clothes, and there were only three toys. A worn stuffed pegasus, a wooden block that might’ve been part of a set once, and a new-looking doll. There was also a little black wooden cane for some reason.


End file.
